Stuff

This post was actually written on 8/18/15 at about 1 in the morning. I hid it in the back because no one reads past the front page. Bonus points if you read past the front page to see this rant.

I don't get it.

How in the world am I suppsoed to do this entire thing without some sort of direction. How in the world am I supposed to make it thorugh doing everything that I'm supposed to do without something from up above telling me that I'm headed in even a slightly okay direction.

I mea, let's be honest here, I know that I'm not headed in anywhere of the right direction. It's one of those things that it's sort of easy to see that writing on the wall and I know that I'm not doing the best, but at the same time I feel like I can at least stand up and say that I'm trying to do at least some good.

I think the biggest thing that I need to do is to finally balls up and just start reading.

I know that I don't want to because SOMEONE likes to hide little gems in there to smack me sideways and make my head spin, but I know that I need to get my head in tehb ooks and really start to look at the words that are on teh page and how they fit into everything because if I don't ahve that ground first, I can't go on from there. STart at step one and then move from there, and the first step is always make yourself smarter. Get the infromation, get the words inside of you, and then you move from there, so I just have to stop stressing out about everythinge sle and finally just crack open my favorite book to hate, and start reading it, even if it is just for a short period of time. I should start writing about it here and tag it, but I really don't know what I would od with that.

I jsut can't get it some days. I don't know why I have to be the one that He likes to pick on. I mean, come on, why can't I just be normal? Why an't I just be the normal little introverted me, and not have to worry about those big picture things. It's sort of frustrating when I think about it.

But at the same time, the things that I'm complaining about aren't the big aad things. As much as I try to make myself out to be this big powerhouse, I'm not really. I've dodged around it for such a long time, and allwoed myself to loose that power, that I'm no longer dealingw ith those powerhouse problems. I'm dealing with those average person problems. So, as much as I would like to thik that I'm a powerhouse and how much I'd like to be normal, when I think about it, I'm totally a normal person and I'm dealing wth normal problems, and it's up to me to get back up to that powerhouse status.

The worst part about the entire deal is that I know exactly what I need to do and the only thin that is stopping me is me. It sucks that the only person that I can blame is me for my lack of progression.