Dec 17, 2017

Terri - My American Life

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/143/sentencing

I get it. I understand that drug laws are way too strict and can hurt people that are first time offenders. There's not that great of rehabilitation and we are creating a system that is a revolving door of prisoners that live in the system and don't know how to survive on their own. That sucks. I don't think that's the way it should be, and all things considering, major overhauls need to be done to the criminal system because it's screwy on way too many levels.

But,

Yes, there's a but to that statement.

But, they can keep Terri.

My wife was raised by her grandma. The person who I consider my mother-in-law is biologically speaking my grandmother-in-law. My wife's biological mother, is Terri. As long as I've known my wife, her biological mom has been in jail. I think there's been a few months or even maybe a year where she was on probation, but then landed herself back in jail, and I'm perfectly fine with her staying there.

Terri's one and only redeeming trait that she has in her life is that she gave birth to my wife. Even that she almost managed to screw up because when my wife popped out she was an addict's baby. CPA had to take my wife away from Terri because Terri was Terri and wasn't being a mother to my wife.

I don't care about Terri's drug's or criminal behavior, but if they're what keeps her in jail then I'm okay with it. What she did to my wife when she was only weeks old is uncalled for. The stupid part about it is because of her STUPID behavior in the first weeks of my wife's life, my wife has been carrying the baggage that her biological mother didn't love her, and essentially abandoned her.

Sit on that one for a second. One of the things that most people have the benefit of knowing when they were growing up is that at least their parents were there for them. In one way or another their parents were at least somewhat trying to keep them alive. Alicia, from a very young age, learned that her biological mother did not want her.

Do you know how much that screws with a person's personality and mentality? Because of that one person and her addiction to drugs, Alicia is now constantly carrying around this idea that the people who act like they love her in their lives are just focused on something else and soon er or later will leave her. Everyone in her life, starting with Terri, has left her or focused on something else besides her. That makes her loving, but also completely un-trusting of what is going on around her. I can't stand it, but at the same time, I get why she thinks that way. Prison sentencing for drug users and addicts needs to be lessened, but for the people out there that could treat their own child that poorly, they deserve to stay.

I've Got Nothing

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/142/barbara

I've been sitting on this one for a long time. I liked the episode, but I honestly can't do anything about this from my point of view. This is one of those that is so particular and set for a particular author, that I can't touch it. The entire episode is based around one black single mom who lives in the inner-city. I'm sorry, but I'm the exact opposite of that. As a married, white, male, who lives in the suburbs of the suburbs I can't do it. I've tried. I've been thinking about it in the back of my mind on and off for way too long at this point I've got to move on. I can't twist this into anything else. The episode was specific to one individual. I'm not that individual. That means I don't have anything to twist or add on to it.

Oct 30, 2017

Choices Were Made

I know that I even said on here that I need to remember to focus on all of the armies that I need to paint instead of trying to buy new ones, but then my dream army went up for sale on ebay. It's a harlequin army, and exactly what I was thinking about buying fresh out of box once I got armies painted to really put together something from scratch. Seriously, the list is borderline what I would have bought fresh. The only thing that it's missing is the troupe masters.

Here's what's in there.

32 players with lots of varieties of weapons. Lots of Neuro and fusion pistols.

2 solitaires. One has custom rose on tip of weapon.

4 shadowseers. 1 is the older fine cast one.

4 death jesters.

3 voidweavers.

3 starweavers.

12 skyweavers.

1 codex.

1 tactical/ physicic cards.

1 Brand new white dwarf magazine featuring the harlequins.

1 bag of harlequin bits.

Now this is the interesting part. The bidding was done at 8:30. Someone tried to snipe me by outbidding me by $10 at 8:29:21. Somehow by fate or just luck, I checked on the bid on my phone during class saw this and managed to sneak in my own bid. Officially, according to ebay, my bid went in at 8:30:10.

Now, just because I'm still floating on the win of that, a brief overview of the cost of what I just got, had I bought it new, like I wanted to.
32 players - these come in boxes of 6, that means that to get the same amount I'd need to buy 6 boxes. at $40 a piece, that's $240 there. 
2 solitaires - $26 a piece, that's $52.
4 shadowseers - $26 a piece again, that's $104
4 death jesters - $26 a piece, $104
3 voidweavers - $41 a piece $123
3 starweavers - $41 a piece $123
12 skyweavers - $40 for a pair, that means 6 boxes for a total of $240


That means in models, I would have had to pay $986, plus tax. Then of course there's the bonus things of
1 codex.
1 tactical/ physicic cards.
1 Brand new white dwarf magazine featuring the harlequins.
1 bag of harlequin bits.

I'm not really going to be using them that much, but we're going to round up to $1,000 just for the sake of the argument. 

I essentially got them 59% off. I paid $410 for them.

The best part? Not only are they cheap, but they're already assembled, which is the worst thing in the world in my book. I seriously hate that step.

The bad news?
I promised myself I would finish chaos first, both mortals and daemons, and then eldar, and then I would tackle the harlequins. I plan to keep that order. With how little I paint, it's looking like another two years before those harlequins get any meaningful attention.

Oct 14, 2017

How Do You Do That?

Warhammer is not a cheap hobby.

In the long run, if you play it for a long period of time, and are fairly dedicated to the game, it's easy to say that it's cheap because the investment can last a long time. A $400 investment has kept me busy painting for almost two years now. That's two years, for only $400? That's a cheap investment compared to other things like gaming. If you're doing gaming, that's a $60 investment for every single game that you're paying for, which you're typically going to be going through at least once a month if you're serious about the gaming hobby. But, still, I digress, it's not cheap.

The real not cheap part about the hobby is if you're buying anything new. ANYTHING new is stupidly expensive, and it's only second hand things that make it anywhere close to manageable pricing. For example, I was trying to price a harlequin army that I wanted. I was getting the new model itch, so I sat down with the GW web portal and decided to fill up the shopping cart with an ideal list of harlequin that I would like to play, that wasn't just one 1850 point list, but rather a good list with a few bonus redundancies just in case I wanted to mix things up and try out something slightly different. That one army ran to being almost $800. If I wanted to minimize that as much as possible, play the exact same list every single time I played, have no diversity of options, the price range doesn't go down by too much. That's just for 1850 points! (for a point of reference, I can field three 1850 point armies with my mob that I spent around about $500 for, the reason for the price change is the 400 is what I bought used, the extra 100 is what I bought new).

Just for the sake of curiosity, I tried to sort out what I would need to spend if I bought my lists that I used today new, instead of second hand, and for only 1,000 points (most tournaments are 1,500 or 1,850) it would have cost me $460 to show up today. 

The point to all of this is that today I was at an event. At that event there was a person that I had seen before who was a total min/maxer. This is the type of person who bounces around to whatever is fashionable in the tournament lists and is always trying to min/max his army because he wants to win at all costs. The crazy part about it, is that a while ago when I met him for the firs time, he had a different army. I pushed him about it this time that he still had a new army and he let out that he had changed armies a few times.

A FEW TIMES!?

Now, rough estimate here, but I'm guessing that if you're buying new models (like he does) that each time you pick up a new army, it's a $500-$600 investment for just the bare minimums that you need for your army. That's not including anything bonus or any auxiliary things that you run into, that's just the bare minimum to field something. That means that in the past year, this guy has bought multiple armies, and then gotten rid of them (for typically around 50% market) just to buy new armies all over again.

I don't get it.

How in the world is he able to do that? How do you just walk away from an investment of $500 and just give it up, ALL TO BUY IN AGAIN!? If you were getting out of the hobby because it just wasn't your thing and you didn't like it any more, that's one thing. But to sell out and try to liquidize your army, just to turn around and spend that much money again, that's a death sentence.

In an off topic - I was happy today that my army was painted. I can't tell you how many armies there were there today that were running the grey blob force where they weren't even primed. Seriously people? I'm lazy, but at least I'm able to prime my models. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, but if I'm going to spend that much money on something, I'm going to try my best to at least make it look half way decent. It boggles my mind that someone would spend $140 on something as epic as the leader of an entire army . . . and then field it as a jumble of grey plastic. I mean, come on! The most frustrating part about some of those grey armies was that people were talking about having them for a long period of time. How do you own something that s going to be your main army, the  main focus of an entire game and hobby to you, and then not decide that maybe, just possibly, you don't want them to look like a grey blob? /rant

Oct 12, 2017

Times to Write

There are times that I just need to write. Today is one of them. I come back to this blog and I remember a while ago where I thought there was an off chance that someone would ever read it. Let's be honest with each other, it's by me, for me.

Writing is going stupidly slow right now. I know that I could try to put together more time on writing, but I'm really ashamed that I haven't gotten closer to finishing that story up. I'm thinking next week when it goes into holiday for UVU, I can spend some of that time doing writing. I did manage to get a version of Empath in short story out to the club, but we'll see what happens with that.

It's crazy that I'm doing this tournament league a third time now. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm secretly trying to sort out how in the world to make the best painting I can. I don't really care too much about the prize, but I'd love to do a bang up job on the exalted sorcerer, hit every single detail I can, and just make him the strongest piece I am able. If things work from there, then they work, but I'm at least going to put my hat in the ring and see what comes out. The tricky part will be not cutting it on the details. I always get done with all of the red/yellow blend and then I back out from it and don't do any of the other details. Just look at Magnus. I get done with all of the 'hard' stuff, and then I'm too lazy to do gems.

Basically, story of my life for everything that I keep trying to write and then go back to and delete is that I need to get off of my butt, set aside time to get things done, and just do it. I just needed to write it down. 

Sep 21, 2017

Magnus the Red - Primarch of the Thousand Sons

He's finally done! He does need basing, but that'll get done once I finish up a few more units and do them all in one chunk, but all of the painting of him and worrying about color blending is done for my primarch.

Without further delay - Magnus the Red the Primarch of the Thousand Sons legion.

 This is the best for the full body shot and you get most of what is going on inside of it, but
 this one is easily my favorite. I'm just a fan of the profile shot and how his weapon looks in this one.



Woo! With that out of the way, all I've got is a few more guys to whip together (because it's going to be a cake walk compared to Magnus) and I'll be all done with my CSM army. Then I'll either dive head first into the daemons, or start working on the Eldar. It honestly depends on what Josh depends to do with the game. If he starts showing interest, or anyone starts showing interest in playing with me, Eldar is going to get paint next. If I keep doing this as a solo adventure, then it's going to be onto the daemons.

By the way, I threw away the old fateweaver I had. The way I assembled it made it slowly start to dip and bend and it was almost face planting into the ground. I tried to fix its legs, but only screwed things up even more, so the little guy is now in the trash. Luckily, once I get done with all of the units of daemons, I have the new, big fateweaver waiting to go side to side with Magnus.

Sep 8, 2017

School Is Back In Session

Starting next week, school is back in session, which means that I'm going to be trying to avoid work and get my mind off grading quite a bit. I'm going to go to the tried and true writing, and try to finish up 4th wall all the way through, and then also get back painting. I've been playing with paint a bit, but it's not as much as I was doing in the past. Here's a quick update as to what Magnus looks like now days.


Aug 25, 2017

Writing

For the first time in a long while, I've found myself writing and enjoying it.

Previously writing was a chore. It was something I was forcing myself to do because that's what I had to do. I've edited a third of a book in two days, and the best thing in the world happened this morning while I was doing it - I lost track of time.

It's why I started writing. I love the fact that while I write the world around me melts away and what I feel like is only a few minutes of effort, I'm able to plow away hours of work. It's part of the reason that I knew that I wanted to write for the rest of my life and consider myself an author, because when push came to shove I'd rather enjoy good stories and lots of words, rather than looking at math equations and formulas.

I could do science. In fact, I still wonder if I could do science better than I do English, but there's not what happened this morning (and other moments like that in my life) where I've lost time. English is the only one that has ever been able to do that to me. It's the only one where I can start to focus on it, enjoy every second of it, and then I find myself with two feet that are asleep, a solid kink in my neck that sounds like a machine gun when I crack it, and hours missing from my life. I like that feeling. I love that feeling. That feeling is the feeling of getting lost in work and enjoying every second of what you're doing so that you're more focused on what is going on and what you're thinking about than anything else. During that time Facebook, the internet, all of lives problems and concerns, my mother in law sitting two feet away from me, disappeared. During that time I was living in a place that I liked, my world, with my characters, that fit perfectly how I wanted to see them.

It was nice to go back to that.

I really, really missed that feeling.

Jun 21, 2017

8th Edition

Well, it's that time again, time to sort out what I've got in 8th edition now that 7th is dead and gone. Sure, I had 3,480 points in 7th, but now we've got more stuff and I want to know power levels. The fun part about all of this is that power levels don't worry about upgrades. You just say what you've got and points are based and the upgrades don't matter.

The point calculation took me a long while, but now, it's a race for power levels in 8th and I've got the easy math to put it all together. Let's do the math.

Chaos Lord x2 = 10
Chaos Lord in Terminator Armor x2 = 14
Daemon Prince (we're going to count the old model of the Lord of Change as a DP) = 30
Sorcerer x3 = 21
Chaos Space Marines - I've got 33, so 20 = 15pts, 13 = 12 pts - total 37
Cultists = 6
Terminators = 27
Rubrics = 28
Chosen = 8
Possessed = 6
Helbrute = 8
Rhino = 12
Raptors = 7
Warp Talons = 9
Heldrake = 10
Predator = 10
Maulerfiend = 9
Magnus = 21
Exalted Sorcerer x3 = 21
Scarab Occult Terminators = 13
Herald of Tzeentch x2 = 8
Herald of Tzeentch on Disk x3 = 15
Pink Horros x2 = 10
Flamers x2 = 10
Screamers x3 = 15
Burning Chariot x2 = 10

So, yeah, that took me less than a half hour, and I can now say that all of my chaos models together power leved all together, I can field somewhere around 375 points of chaos and daemons.The weird part is that with list building it always took me so long to sort everything out, so it seems wrong that it didn't take me that long to piece this all together. .

The most depressing part about the entire deal? Everything in red isn't painted.

May 10, 2017

Always Want to Know

I always want to know just how many points that I have worth of Warhammer stuff. It's a question that gets asked, and it's a tricky one to answer because of a few things. The biggest thing is that I have enough models that a few of them can stand in and double as quite a few other things. The most basic example of that is something like chaos terminator lords, they can also be terminator sorcerers, or if I'm feeling it, I can have the terminator just be the unit champion. So right now I have two terminators that can be looked at like they're champions (purely because they're modeled a bit more impressively standing up on a stone) but the question at hand is what do I put them as a point cost? Do I make them a unit champion? Do I make them a terminator lord? Or do I use them as a terminator sorcerer? Even then with the later two, how much stuff do I give them? Do I count potential sorcerer levels and items?

With all of this complication in mind, we have to sort out just what I have in models, and then sort out points. Let's go through what's painted, and then we can worry about the point tally. Here's the break down by unit.

CSM - Marines
2 banners
heavy bolter
flamer
powerfist + plasma pistol
12 CCW + gun
13 bolter only

Cultists
 6 w/ CCW + gun
2 flamers
1 big gun
1 champ with sword and shot gun


Thousand Sons Rubric Marines
19 regular
2 aspiring sorcerers

OR up to
5 aspiring sorcerers
16 regular

OR it can drop to
4 aspiring sorc
16 regular
and then upgrade the one sorcerer into an actual chaos sorcerer instead of the TS aspiring.

OR all things considering if we're going min/max of things, I have 16 rubrics that can't be anything else. If I'm feeling evil, that could be one unit of 16, with one aspiring sorcerer, and then four  regular sorcerers running around doing whatever they want. This is where the options become a bit crazy, and the point cost for them becomes very fuzzy.

Heldrake - only have one, and it's got the flamer mouth weapon

2 Daemon Prince - Hanz and Franz (again the points that can be dropped into them is over the top)

Chaos Lord - Sword + Plasma pistol

Helbrute - multimelta - powerfist

Terminators -
Terminator Champion (or lord or sorcerer) - combi bolter - power staff
Terminator Champion (or lord or sorcerer) - combi bolter - chain fist
Terminator - combi bolter + power fist
Terminator - combi bolter + force axe
Terminator - combi bolter + force axe
Terminator - reaper autocannon -
Terminator - multi melta - maul
Terminator  - melta - maul
Terminator - combi bolter - chain fist
Terminator - combi bolter - axe
Terminator combi bolter - axe
Terminator - combi flamer - maul

The difficult part with these guys as well is determining their shooting weapon. I'm sorry, but I have a hard time seeing the difference between a melta and a flamer. I'm working off of pictures at this point and I'm not sure if what is there is a flamer or a melta, so when in doubt if I couldn't tell for sure, I just put melta.

2 (almost 3) rhinos - again difficult because not sure if it's going to go bare bones, or if it's going to pick up all of the things to get all of the random bonuses.

1 Las cannon predator

5  warp talons

Now to sort out the math behind all of this.

Limited point cost list, just doing some basic body counts, not sorting out any special weapons or anything at all. This is literally the worst math I can throw at these things.

30 CSM  = 450
Cultists = 50
Thousand Sons = 495
Heldrake = 170
2 daemon prince = 290
Chaos Lord = 65
Helbrute = 105
11 Terminators = 341
3 Rhino = 105
Predator =  140
5 Talons = 160

So, low ball of all low balls, I have 2,371 points.Note - that's no special weapons, no upgrades, no artifacts, so chaos marks, no bonus spell levels, and little to do with how they actually get plaid. We're going horribly wrong here and thinking that the worst case scenario this is how they could potentially get fielded if there was no understanding of the army.

To show just how bad of a level that is to even guess at point value, a Daemon Prince, has to have a mark, typically I'll give wings and armor as well, which increases the value of ONE of them to 220, two of them to 440, and that's still not counting magic and artifacts.

Hell, I think I even counted things wrong because I know that I have 33 CSM, not 30. I even forgot my maulerfiend!


Either way, let's dive in and try to real list this with more realistic point values behind everything.


CSM - 620

3 units of 11 each.

Unit 1 -  Start (75) + 6 models @ 13pts (78) + Mark of Tzeentch (22) + icon of flame (15) = 190

Unit 2 - Start (75) + 6 models (78) + Tzeentch (22) + icon of flame (15) + champ with pistol and power fist (40) = 230

Unit 3 -Start (75) + 6 models (78) + Tzeentch (22) + plasma gun (15) + heavy bolter (10) = 200

Cultists - 112

Unit 1 - Start (50) + 6 models (24) + autogun (5) + 2 heavy stubber (10) + flamer (5) + champ with shotgun (2) + tzeentch (16) = 112 points

Thousand Sons - 663

3 Units
Unit 1- Start (150) + 1 more (23) + sorcer metla bomb (5) + rhino (35) = 213

Unit 2- Start (150) + 1 more (23) + sorcerer melta (5) + rhino (35) = 213

Unit 3- Start (150) + 2 more (46) + sorcerer melta (5) + rhino (35) = 236

Sorcerer - 165

Base (60) + 2 mastery (50) + spell familiar (15) + Tzeentch (15) + sigil of corruption (25) = 165

Helldrake - 170

Maulerfiend - 125 

Helbrute - 105

11 Terminators - 455

2 units
Unit 1 - Start (95) - 3 more (93) - Tzeentch (30) - 2 chain fist (30) = 248

Unit 2 - Start (95) - 2 more (62) - Tzeentch (25) - Autocannon (25) = 207

Predator -  140

Talons - 160

Chaos Lord - 100
Start (65) - Tzeentch (15) - melta (5) - plasma pistol (15) = 100

Daemon Prince - 665

Hanz
Start (145) + Tzeentch (15) + 3 Mastery (75) + wings (40) + armour (20) + black mace (45) = 340

Franz
Start (145) + Tzeentch (15) + 3 Mastery (75) + wings (40) + armour (20) + burning brand (30) = 325

Total of a better guess = 3,480

Again, this could swing a few hundred points a few different ways depending on what I put on leaders, if I want more HQ or not, but that's about how I run my lists, and what I spec different models with. That's just close enough to say that I have about 3,500 points of Thousand Sons. 


The really stupid/weird part about all of this is that I have about that many points to still construct or paint. The only catch to that is that out of that 3,500 points, I have Magnus at 650 points, 3 exalted sorcerers, 3 sorcerers on disk, and a daemon prince in that to do pile. It's easy to double your points when your to do pile is nothing but hyper overpowered (and high point cost ) HQ options. 

Apr 23, 2017

Done For This Week

Right arm, and then assembled a Lord of Change. I'm not going to be treating him as a Lord of Change, I'm more going to be using him as the third daemon prince to team up with Magnus to make the horrible formation of DOOM that just flies around and makes people cry during the psychic phase. (Totally forgot the name of it, and I'm too lazy to look it up).


I'm too lazy, and don't want to post more just for photo uploading, so here's what I've been working on this week - 4/27





Apr 5, 2017

They're Back Together

After the fall they went through, everything is finally glued back together.



Mar 30, 2017

Slight Delay

My painting will take a slight delay. Last night I went up to my office to paint a bit and ran into this.


One of my shelves decided to fall out of the wall yesterday. Oddly most of the models that I thought would not have survived the fall (skeletons, zombies, even some of the guardians in the Eldar force that have fine bits on them) worked out just fine and there were no injuries from them, or at least very few injuries. For example, my swooping hawk unit made it through the fall without any issue to their wings or bases at all.

However, a lot of things did break.

So, instead of painting, I've gone back to superglue and trying to puzzle piece models back together in hopes of making any of the breaks not super evident.

Mar 27, 2017

A reminder

I am putting this here as a reminder to myself.

I DO NOT NEED TO BUY ANYTHING NEW.

I was tempted to buy a few new things for Warhammer a few nights ago, but luckily my store didn't have what I wanted. Then I went home and realized that I have ARMIES to paint. Yes, I do have the joy of the one painted CSM army that I posted up a while ago, but then I looked in my shelves and bins, and realized that I have HUNDREDS of models that still need some painting love.

Just as a reminder to myself, here's a few of the armies that need attention -



Then by accident I found some bretonian bits, and some skaven bits, not to mention the half painted chaos army for fantasy. That's not to mention the vargheist box that I have for my VC army, or the batallion box for the high elfs. Then, of course I still have to assemble and paint a little guy named Nagash. You know, little things.

Then comes the stupidity of 40k.

Within 40k I still have the eldar army to paint (picture pending), and then to add insult to injury, I have the fateweaver that I'm running as a prince, the start collecting tzeentch box, the extra screemers, the occult terminators, the exalted sorcerers, and the tzangor chosen that I'm running as sorcerers. On top of ALL of that mess, I still have to assemble and paint Magnus.

I do NOT need to buy anything new.

I just have to keep reminding myself of all of the grey host armies that I have floating around and the work that I need to do on them FIRST before I do anything else new.

Mar 26, 2017

WIP - Franz

Here's my current work in progress, Franz, the other daemon prince that I have on my table that is hopefully going to be flying around with Hanz, a third daemon, and Magnus one of these days.


Mar 23, 2017

Insults

I wrote this as an example for my Stretch A class and wanted to share it here just for some giggles.



Insults typically don’t work that well against me. When people try to get me riled up and react to what they’re saying, most of the time it doesn’t do anything to me. If someone is doing the overplayed joke of poking fun of my mom with a classic ‘yo mamma’ joke, I’ll most likely pile in with a few of my own about her. They’ll want to say ‘yo mamma is so fat, dumb, stupid,  or anything like that, and of course I jump in and say my mamma is so far in denial about her son that she still treats me like I am thirteen and trusts me to do nothing. My job last family reunion was to bring coloring pages for people to color on – the crayons to color on them was my niece’s job. 

Once that falls apart and they realize that they can’t insult my mom, some people trying to get a reaction from me might want to make the very stupid mistake and start insulting my wife. I love my wife. I wish I could be the knight in shining armor that rushes to her aid in the time of need to defend her honor, but she’s got a knife and can stab people all by herself. There’s no need for me to rush to her aid because if she even catches the scent that someone was talking bad about her that will be the last mistake that they will ever make. 

My mom is off the table of insults, my wife is off the table of insults, and that doesn’t leave much room in my life to insult. Some really creative souls try their best to insult me, but the down side to that is that I’ve pretty well come to terms with who I am. Jokes about my lanky body, glasses, nerdy hobbies, voice, mannerisms, musical inclinations, or anything else doesn’t really phase me. It’s impossible to insult someone about something that is true. Yeah, I do look goofy. Yeah, I do listen to weird music. Yeah, I do have glasses. I can’t really argue against truth. 

As Zen as I try to be, and as much as I try to act like the world will go on and nothing will bother me, there is one type of insult that will motivate me beyond anything else in the world. Anytime I have an eye on doing, being, or achieving something, if someone tells me that I can’t do it or are unable to do it because I’m not smart, fast, old, or young enough to do it will kill me. 

People telling me that I’m stupid, or that I’m not smart enough to do something, stick with me, and they stick with me for a long time. In second grade I was trying to run for class president, and my competition made a quick jab towards me that I didn’t even know how to spell ‘book’ right. I still remember it. I still replay that moment in my mind. I try my best to not let it sit against the guy too much because it was firmly in our past, but every time I see him (we grew up in the same neighborhood and whenever I visit home I see him) that is one of the memories that I have of him.
I have a list of people who have laughed at me, told me I couldn’t reach my dreams, or simply told me that I wasn’t smart enough, and they are a major motivator to do things. Logically I know that most of their comments and restrictions about my life were in passing and not well thought out. In my right mind, I know that none of these people even think twice about who I am, what I’ve become, or where I’m going. When I have my mind about me, they are ignorant people who could not see the big picture. When I’m not thinking right, they are what keep me up until four in the morning trying to become something more. I can’t stand it when people tell me that I can’t do something that I know I can do, if only I try. 

Insults can be shrugged off and forgotten, but limitations become a gauntlet thrown to the ground begging for me to pick it up. 

Limitations about things that I don’t care about can be forgotten. Someone telling me that I will never be a football jock, a fashion model, or the typical dad because of who I am is nothing to me. I don’t care about those things, and so it doesn’t matter if I’m not achieving it. Trying to tell me that I will never be an air force pilot because I’m too tall isn’t really a limitation because I never wanted to fly. Trying to limit me by saying that because I’m built the way I am I’ll never be a good lineman, doesn’t quite bother me because that’s never been a passion of mine. 

The limitation, that turns into an insult, that turns into a grudge, that turns into something that haunts me for far longer than it should, is when someone limits me because of my intelligence.
In 9th grade I was a slacker, a smart slacker, but still a slacker. I was in all honors classes, and I was actively failing my geometry class because I simply never did the homework. I aced quizzes and tests, but bombed out and ultimately had to retake the class because I chose not to do my homework. When I finally sat down with my counselor who had never met me and knew nothing about me in 10th grade, he said that I should go to a more basic math class, and that I should not try to take any more honors classes. He wanted to transfer me out of a challenging course because he thought I wasn’t smart enough. 

My GPA went from a struggling 2.0 where I was slacking my way through honors classes learning just enough to get me through, to my senior year where I took summer school, not because I needed to retake classes, but because I wanted an extra space in my schedule to take a heavy load including an Economics, AP Lit, AP Bio, Pre Calc, and Physics. Because of his complete lack of faith in my brain, I could not stand it. He, and a few others at that school, tried to limit my knowledge, and it became an insult against me. 

Then came the insult that I still cannot understand, I was not smart enough to think in more than threes. 

I try to think about when in the world I should only think in threes and its mind boggling. I stretch to come up with an idea of where three is the only answer and only complication to any resource to talk about, and I find a blank. Even when talking about something as basic as the three primary colors, I have to ask which form of colors are being discussed. The primary colors of additive coloring are different than the primary colors of subtractive coloring. If the primary colors really are red, yellow, and blue, why in the world when a printer runs out of ink does it need ink that isn’t red or blue? Yellow is fairly constant within both forms of primary colors, but even then there’s more than three primary colors. 

Just like I don’t see it ever possible to limit myself to only thinking in threes, I can’t process how to only defend a topic with three ideas when writing. According to some very lost souls in the English teaching world, not only is there only ever three ideas about a topic, there’s only ever three defenses to one of those ideas. If I ever get arrested for a crime, which is bound to happen one of these days, I’m picking my lawyer by asking them to write a five paragraph essay of how they plan to defend me. If they actually write a five paragraph essay, I won’t hire them because they’re limiting my defense to keep my butt out of jail, on three ideas, with only three defenses of each idea. If I’m on trial for my life, I want all of the defenses. I do not want my lawyer to only think of three; I want him to think of three hundred. 

Five paragraph essays are the haiku of the prose world. They’re full of limitations and guidelines which make it impossible to write a good one because rules and structure become more important than the message. The only good part about haikus and five paragraph essays is that they’re impossibly easy to write. 

A haiku is a structured poem of three lines. 

I want to go on and say more about what it takes to write a haiku, but my hatred of three cannot make it past this point without having to say something. If an idea is more complex than three lines, in the haiku world, it is not worth having.  

Within those three limiting lines of a haiku, the rules are always based off of syllable count. The first and last lines have five syllables, and the center one has seven. If an idea is more complex than seventeen syllables then haikus will avoid them. The easiest way to write a haiku is to write a normal sentence, and then just hit enter once the syllable count is hit for that line.

Haiku’s Suck – A Haiku
Haikus are stupid.
They make people think they could
Be a real poet.

That’s all it takes. Five paragraph essays are in the same boat of simplistic writing. It doesn’t take any brain power or resemblance that the author is thinking to write a five paragraph essay; it takes a long list of rules and guidelines that they have to follow. Five paragraph essays don’t show or demonstrate how a person thinks, they demonstrate a schooling system that doesn’t want to see complexity of thought because complexity is difficult to grade. It’s not just insulting; it’s limiting. 

Looking around and seeing just how complex the world is around me, I cannot understand that the art that is supposed to share that complexity has so many rules about it. I can stand some basic rules like spelling and punctuation, but after that there is no rational reason for me to limit my ideas. If I’m trying to make sense of the world around me, I’m going to use every tool and complexity that I can to try to do that. I’m not about to let myself be limited simply because someone is too lazy to read. 

People can insult my hair, my glasses, my car, my taste in music, my taste in hobbies, my books, my house, my religion, my job, my (lack of) masculinity, without any response from me. They can insult the holes in my socks, the cello in my closet, the glowsticks in my desk, or even my name of Adrillf and no sleep will be lost. The real way to fire me up, send me on a quest, get me to see red, and vow vengeance is to limit my intelligence. Call me stupid, call me inept, call me inadequate, or say I’m simply too simple to understand, and I will do everything I can to prove that wrong. 

I know I should let the limitations roll right away along with the insults, but I will remember the student who was double my age who screamed at me during a class that I wasn’t an authority on what I was teaching them. I will remember Professor Thayer passively mocking me and the idea that I would ever be able to publish. I will remember Mr. Santana saying that I should take basic math. I will remember Skyler saying I was too dumb to become a second grade class president. I will remember, and quote to anyone insulting me, that my mamma called my graduate program a “cute little program” like she was talking about a middle school production of The Music Man.

Mar 21, 2017

I WON!

It took a while, but my Thousand Sons army fianlly won! It's one of those things that I don't even believe it because I was getting to the point where I was sure that I was always going to be loosing.

The best part about it is that it was aginst hte space wolves. For those that don't know, that's their bitter rivals. We're talking thousands of years of bad blood, and my army managed to win.

I think I've finally got a bit of understanding with the army. Daemon Prince with wings and the burning brand are a great thing, making him level 3 psyker is even better. He just flew around spitting out spells and flamer templates throughout the entire game. Also preditor with las cannons > helbrute and maulerfiend. As awesome as they look, they are dead 200 points. The preditor with las on it easily did more damage than either one of the walkers did ever.  Also, the heldrake is starting to earn its keep, being able to do what it does is a nice one.

As for the psychic phase, the two major disciplines I give anyone who's not level 1 and has to go 100% into Tzeentch, is a mix between Tzeentch and telepathy. When in doubt telepathy has some killer things in it, but worst case scenario is psychic shriek. Once I get a doom bolt and maybe some other fun Tzeentch fun, I might hit divination for one of my units just to see if I can roll something really helpful with blesses, but Tzeentch and telepathy seems to be a great combo together.

Either way, I'm pumped. I finally did it. I finally won a game of 40k.