Here is my rough draft of my next story. I'm putting it out there for anyone who wants to help edit it. Feel free to give it a look.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ApcnMNKnBC1K8AvsgO1xw14Qaw9Erii2AUj_z_wKVp8
May 16, 2016
May 5, 2016
Open Book - My American Life
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/132/fathers-day-99
I will be an open book.
With my daughter, and any other kid that might call me Dad in the future, I have promised that I will be an open book. I will share my life, I will share my personality, and I will share who I am with them. As much as an introvert as I am, as much as I love my alone time, anyone who can ever call me their father, is in that circle so I have to talk to them. I will play with them, I will get to know their friend's names and drama, I will do everything I possibly can to be that ear that they can talk to.
People that call me Dad will know that I will do miracles for them. They will know that they have to only ask nicely and I will do everything in my power to do what they need. They will learn that I am totally whipped and it's because I love them that I act the way I do. They will know that I care. Even when my life doesn't mesh with theirs, even when everything around them makes me want to yell because they aren't what I expected, they will know, constantly, that I love them.
I will say please every single time.
I will say thank you every single time.
I will never use force. I will walk away when I want to.
I will let them see me cry. I will make mistakes, not on purpose, but because I'm a human and that's what we do, and I will show them how to pick themselves up and become better. I will say I'm sorry when something is my mistake. I will let things be my mistake, even if I think they aren't.
I will demonstrate everything I expect them to become.
I will not waste my life at my job and claim that it is because I want more for them that I spend more time at work than I ever do with them. Even if over-time is offered, my family will always come first. Even if that's a slap against me in a promotion, even if we could really use the money, or even if it's over time that is almost essential to get the job done, my family comes first.
I will have 'the talk' with them, and it's going to happen often. I don't care if it's super awkward, or uncomfortable, it needs to be done. I'll try my best to hide it in a car ride trip, or a corner discussion where they're least expecting it, but sex is not going to be an untouchable topic. It's my job to answer those questions, and I'm going to step up and say something about it.
I will say that I am proud of them. Even if it is a small accomplishment, I will brag. I will be 'that guy' at work that doesn't shut up about his family. They will show up to my job and everyone will know who they are, and all of the amazing things they've done. I will find amazing accomplishments, even if everyone thinks that they aren't that impressive.
I will never yell through the house. I will always try to talk to them face to face. Both when I correct and praise, it will be eye to eye, knee to knee, in a voice loud enough that they can hear me. I will talk to them. I'll never send an interpreter or negotiator to say what I want to say.
I'll wait. I will stay up late when I know they are out, and I will make sure they are home safely. Even when they're an adult I will wait for the call telling me that they made it home and I don't have to call the cops. I'll be outside dressing rooms, and I'll sit through all of the over times.
I will listen to every single story they ever want to tell me, no matter how long it is or what time it is.
I will always say that I love them. Always. Even in the darkest moments, and especially in the most socially awkward moments, I will say it. I will hug them, in public, when their friends are looking, even when they're at college, and especially when they get older. My last words when I leave them for any amount of time will never be goodbye. I will always see them later. I will always love them.
When they make me upset, I will first try to find a way to fix my view of them and think that it is maybe my own fault that I didn't see it their way.
If they say they're in love, I won't doubt them. It doesn't matter who that person is, where they're from, or their history, love is love and I'm not going to step in front of that train - unless they're young, then no one is dating anyone.
Books, TV, computers, games, hobbies are things to be shared, not an excuse to be by myself even though we're in the same room.
I will do these things as I fill my role as a dad. During future fathers days, this is what my family is going to say about me. This is what I will do not because I think I'm perfect or because I know everything there is about being a dad, but because I want to live the dream I never experienced.
I will be an open book.
With my daughter, and any other kid that might call me Dad in the future, I have promised that I will be an open book. I will share my life, I will share my personality, and I will share who I am with them. As much as an introvert as I am, as much as I love my alone time, anyone who can ever call me their father, is in that circle so I have to talk to them. I will play with them, I will get to know their friend's names and drama, I will do everything I possibly can to be that ear that they can talk to.
People that call me Dad will know that I will do miracles for them. They will know that they have to only ask nicely and I will do everything in my power to do what they need. They will learn that I am totally whipped and it's because I love them that I act the way I do. They will know that I care. Even when my life doesn't mesh with theirs, even when everything around them makes me want to yell because they aren't what I expected, they will know, constantly, that I love them.
I will say please every single time.
I will say thank you every single time.
I will never use force. I will walk away when I want to.
I will let them see me cry. I will make mistakes, not on purpose, but because I'm a human and that's what we do, and I will show them how to pick themselves up and become better. I will say I'm sorry when something is my mistake. I will let things be my mistake, even if I think they aren't.
I will demonstrate everything I expect them to become.
I will not waste my life at my job and claim that it is because I want more for them that I spend more time at work than I ever do with them. Even if over-time is offered, my family will always come first. Even if that's a slap against me in a promotion, even if we could really use the money, or even if it's over time that is almost essential to get the job done, my family comes first.
I will have 'the talk' with them, and it's going to happen often. I don't care if it's super awkward, or uncomfortable, it needs to be done. I'll try my best to hide it in a car ride trip, or a corner discussion where they're least expecting it, but sex is not going to be an untouchable topic. It's my job to answer those questions, and I'm going to step up and say something about it.
I will say that I am proud of them. Even if it is a small accomplishment, I will brag. I will be 'that guy' at work that doesn't shut up about his family. They will show up to my job and everyone will know who they are, and all of the amazing things they've done. I will find amazing accomplishments, even if everyone thinks that they aren't that impressive.
I will never yell through the house. I will always try to talk to them face to face. Both when I correct and praise, it will be eye to eye, knee to knee, in a voice loud enough that they can hear me. I will talk to them. I'll never send an interpreter or negotiator to say what I want to say.
I'll wait. I will stay up late when I know they are out, and I will make sure they are home safely. Even when they're an adult I will wait for the call telling me that they made it home and I don't have to call the cops. I'll be outside dressing rooms, and I'll sit through all of the over times.
I will listen to every single story they ever want to tell me, no matter how long it is or what time it is.
I will always say that I love them. Always. Even in the darkest moments, and especially in the most socially awkward moments, I will say it. I will hug them, in public, when their friends are looking, even when they're at college, and especially when they get older. My last words when I leave them for any amount of time will never be goodbye. I will always see them later. I will always love them.
When they make me upset, I will first try to find a way to fix my view of them and think that it is maybe my own fault that I didn't see it their way.
If they say they're in love, I won't doubt them. It doesn't matter who that person is, where they're from, or their history, love is love and I'm not going to step in front of that train - unless they're young, then no one is dating anyone.
Books, TV, computers, games, hobbies are things to be shared, not an excuse to be by myself even though we're in the same room.
I will do these things as I fill my role as a dad. During future fathers days, this is what my family is going to say about me. This is what I will do not because I think I'm perfect or because I know everything there is about being a dad, but because I want to live the dream I never experienced.
I Don't Know
Staff training was at LDSBC on Tuesday night, and for the first two hours there was no actual training. There were people talking, things were being said, words were entering my ears, however, nothing of any substance was being taught to me about being an educator for the university.
One thing that did stick out to me was when the president of LDSBC, President J. Lawrence Richards, said the following line - "None of us here in this room tonight are here for the money."
This and a lot of the other things that were said throughout the first two hours didn't sit well with me. It was like the entire corporation of LDSBC and me do not see eye to eye with each other. You see, the problem is that it's my job. Teaching is my career. It is what I want to be when I grow up. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing thirty years from now.
They treat it as either a hobby that no one chooses to do, or they treat it as a church calling where God told me that this is where I should teach.
I'm sorry, but neither of those are true. Teaching is not bonus income, or community service hours for me. Teaching English is not something I do because I'm bored and need something to keep my brain from going into atrophy. I do not teach because I want a bit of extra cash to spend on the weekends. It is my career.
For two hours I sat in a room that was labeled a training, and was trained in nothing.
I was told from the speakers that the Spirit would be there and hopefully the Spirit would make up for anything that they didn't teach. I'm sorry, but you have to teach SOMETHING for the Spirit to make up the difference. They taught me that I should ask myself 'what could I do better' and then do it better.
Seriously? That's your great two hour speech? Figure out what you're doing wrong and fix it? That's all of the training that you're going to give?
The only other training that they gave was when they put us in groups and told us to teach each other about what we have done with students. I'm sorry, but I learned little/nothing, and it lead to no great marvelous insight. In the two hour massive group "training" I learned less than I would have from reading random google searches about how to become a better teacher.
Then came the one hour English department training. In the first ten minutes we covered more ground than we ever did in the two hours. We learned. I learned. I walked away with tools that I could use. If we're only talking about the English department training, it was golden, however the first two hours made me seriously wonder if I was a fit for the college.
Everything that they were talking about in the first two hours - I don't agree with.
They said that the number one priority of the college was to convert souls to Christ, and only as a far secondary nature comes our discipline.
I'm sorry, but as an English instructor, I think it's my number one goal to teach my subject. My students are paying to learn my topic, not to be preached to.
They said that we teach real life skills for the jobs our students can obtain.
The syllabus and course information I've been given is anything but real life. It is the fluffiest thing that doesn't prepare anyone for any sort of job. Even how they treat students who do not fit criteria is not reflective of the real world. They want to prepare our students for the real world, but then they're too afraid to actually expose the real world to our students.
They said we only have 10% of our students wanting to transfer to further education.
Every student I say that to is shocked to hear that information.
They said we should have students teach our class and be instructors with us.
My students are not fluent in the skills that they need to learn. That is why they are in the class. No matter how you try to spin something, you can not teach something that you do not know even exists. Even things like peer evaluation I always feel sketchy doing with my students because there are some of them that simply do not know, but I have no way of doing it all myself so they have to do some of the work.
They said that we should make a class president.
I don't need someone to manage other people's lives. If they don't want to show up for class, that is their choice. They shouldn't need a babysitter, and there is no need for students to be babysitters for each other. They are adults. No one checks on me if I choose not to do something, it just doesn't happen.
There were so many things in that discussion that I didn't agree with. We're trying to show that we are an accredited college that can give degrees and skills that are necessary in the workplace, but then we don't treat the classroom as an extension of that workplace. How are we supposed to teach what we promise, when we do not practice it in our classrooms? And then ultimately, how is it that they can claim that we, the adujunct faculty, are such a great force for good and without us the school would die - and not treat us like that? It's great and all to say it, but the actions that follow those words do not reflect that. The reflection on the actions say that we are not necessary, that we can be replaced, that there is nothing unique or valued in our skills.
I'm a 30 year old working in the professional field of my choice and I do not have a full time job or health benefits. I do have two fluctuating part time jobs, but teaching up to 24 credit hours just in hopes of getting paid the exact same money as a person working a normal 40 hour work week and not having to spend hundreds of hours a semester at home grading papers, is not the same.
I want to teach. I love teaching. I just don't know if this is for me because I do not fit the mold that they have.
One thing that did stick out to me was when the president of LDSBC, President J. Lawrence Richards, said the following line - "None of us here in this room tonight are here for the money."
This and a lot of the other things that were said throughout the first two hours didn't sit well with me. It was like the entire corporation of LDSBC and me do not see eye to eye with each other. You see, the problem is that it's my job. Teaching is my career. It is what I want to be when I grow up. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing thirty years from now.
They treat it as either a hobby that no one chooses to do, or they treat it as a church calling where God told me that this is where I should teach.
I'm sorry, but neither of those are true. Teaching is not bonus income, or community service hours for me. Teaching English is not something I do because I'm bored and need something to keep my brain from going into atrophy. I do not teach because I want a bit of extra cash to spend on the weekends. It is my career.
For two hours I sat in a room that was labeled a training, and was trained in nothing.
I was told from the speakers that the Spirit would be there and hopefully the Spirit would make up for anything that they didn't teach. I'm sorry, but you have to teach SOMETHING for the Spirit to make up the difference. They taught me that I should ask myself 'what could I do better' and then do it better.
Seriously? That's your great two hour speech? Figure out what you're doing wrong and fix it? That's all of the training that you're going to give?
The only other training that they gave was when they put us in groups and told us to teach each other about what we have done with students. I'm sorry, but I learned little/nothing, and it lead to no great marvelous insight. In the two hour massive group "training" I learned less than I would have from reading random google searches about how to become a better teacher.
Then came the one hour English department training. In the first ten minutes we covered more ground than we ever did in the two hours. We learned. I learned. I walked away with tools that I could use. If we're only talking about the English department training, it was golden, however the first two hours made me seriously wonder if I was a fit for the college.
Everything that they were talking about in the first two hours - I don't agree with.
They said that the number one priority of the college was to convert souls to Christ, and only as a far secondary nature comes our discipline.
I'm sorry, but as an English instructor, I think it's my number one goal to teach my subject. My students are paying to learn my topic, not to be preached to.
They said that we teach real life skills for the jobs our students can obtain.
The syllabus and course information I've been given is anything but real life. It is the fluffiest thing that doesn't prepare anyone for any sort of job. Even how they treat students who do not fit criteria is not reflective of the real world. They want to prepare our students for the real world, but then they're too afraid to actually expose the real world to our students.
They said we only have 10% of our students wanting to transfer to further education.
Every student I say that to is shocked to hear that information.
They said we should have students teach our class and be instructors with us.
My students are not fluent in the skills that they need to learn. That is why they are in the class. No matter how you try to spin something, you can not teach something that you do not know even exists. Even things like peer evaluation I always feel sketchy doing with my students because there are some of them that simply do not know, but I have no way of doing it all myself so they have to do some of the work.
They said that we should make a class president.
I don't need someone to manage other people's lives. If they don't want to show up for class, that is their choice. They shouldn't need a babysitter, and there is no need for students to be babysitters for each other. They are adults. No one checks on me if I choose not to do something, it just doesn't happen.
There were so many things in that discussion that I didn't agree with. We're trying to show that we are an accredited college that can give degrees and skills that are necessary in the workplace, but then we don't treat the classroom as an extension of that workplace. How are we supposed to teach what we promise, when we do not practice it in our classrooms? And then ultimately, how is it that they can claim that we, the adujunct faculty, are such a great force for good and without us the school would die - and not treat us like that? It's great and all to say it, but the actions that follow those words do not reflect that. The reflection on the actions say that we are not necessary, that we can be replaced, that there is nothing unique or valued in our skills.
I'm a 30 year old working in the professional field of my choice and I do not have a full time job or health benefits. I do have two fluctuating part time jobs, but teaching up to 24 credit hours just in hopes of getting paid the exact same money as a person working a normal 40 hour work week and not having to spend hundreds of hours a semester at home grading papers, is not the same.
I want to teach. I love teaching. I just don't know if this is for me because I do not fit the mold that they have.
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