Truth Serum - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/106/fathers-day-98

Of all of the possible things that could happen that have been talked about on TAL, sticking my dad in a room with me and being totally honest with each other is the one that I want the most. The idea that I could sit him down and talk about anything, ask him any question possible, and bring up any topic and it wouldn't be weird, awkward, or taboo would be amazing.

My dad and I never talk to each other. 

Ever.

Even Alicia talks to my dad more than I talk to my dad. Most recently my parents came to visit us, and we drove by a small farmer's market in American Fork where there was a potter there. It's a weird thing, but my mom loves pottery from weird places that has a story, so we had to turn back and find a pot for her to add to her collection. While shopping for the pot Alicia saw a painting that she liked. My dad gave her a side hug and even said that he'd buy it for her as an early Christmas gift. With that in mind, the same trip my father did not hug me hello or goodbye, have a single discussion with me about anything in my life, and was entirely distant from me, and that is perfectly normal.

Any of those talks that you'd expect a father and son to have together - never happened. That 'talk' that should happen right around 11-12 years old, if not earlier to give some heads up about the changes about to hit? Never happened. The slightly more advanced talks that should happen to introduce some more personal topics? Never happened. The most advanced talk with any of that, that even happened was when I was in middle school and bought myself an athletic supporter (because things were starting to bounce and get in the way when I was running during tennis) and the extent of the talk went a bit like this, "I noticed that you had this in the laundry, do you have any questions? You don't? Great." It was never brought up ever again.

Even talks that I'm starting to realize would be a good thing to do, like talking about spirituality and personal belief, those never happened either. To this day, I still don't know what his mission was like other than the stereotypical story that he likes to share about knocking on doors and the people of Texas being nice and at least giving him a cup of ice water even if they weren't interested. I know nothing more of his mission than that. I know nothing about his high school career, college career, or even that much about what happened between graduating from college to working for Clark County. I don't know because he never talks with me.

Just recently I found out that he started a company out of college, it flopped just a bit, and he ran into some hard times from that . . . from an accidental reference from my mom who assumed that I knew that aspect of my family history when I wasn't alive. I had no clue that it had happened, and I didn't know that it was ever something that my dad had ever dealt with.

It would of course be interesting if it took a turn down this path - http://www.buzzfeed.com/alivelez/watch-these-people-play-a-hilariously-awkward-game-of-truth#.kj0a8AoZz - but I'm not even looking for that crazy of a conversation, I'm just looking to get to know the guy that I've had in my life my entire life, but is still a stranger to me. Of course, it'd be interesting to have the tables turned and see what he wants to ask me, but if that's the cost of admission into his brain to understand him, I'm on board. Of course there's that chance that it's going to get into that awkward realm, but him just agreeing to the entire concept of sitting down with me and having an honest, no limit, sky's the limit conversation is starting out at the height of awkward so what's adding on an extra pile of awkward? It'd be like adding a cup of sand to a beach, it's not making any difference.