http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/118/what-you-lookin-at
The very first segment for this show is one of them that has stuck with me for a long time. It is one about a person who is not Goth, trying to double over into the goth world. There is a specific moment within the entire thing where they ask her to pick her goth persona, and instead of going with Rayne, or some other equally dark name spelt in an old English style, she goes with the scariest thing that she can think of - Becky (or something like that).
I remember hearing that most likely on the very first broadcast and it stuck with me. Over all of these years I could remember hearing something about pink goths and making that connection that sometimes the scariest thing that you can think of isn't the dark and the depressing, but instead the happy and fluffy. At the time I didn't quite understand it (because if this was the original airing date of 1998, that would have made me twelve years old, and in sixth grade) but it stuck with me.
As the years have gone on and I've been looking at the world around me, I'm starting to see this in my life. I'm starting to see that the scariest thing that I can see in the world around me isn't the people wearing black on black with crazy eye makeup or whatever else you consider "goth", but instead those overly happy perky people that always smile, like looking at you in the eye way too much, and are perky.
Perky is a horrible word. Something is wrong with a perky person. No one can be that happy all of the time. No one. There's always something in the world that is going on, and there is always something that isn't going well in your life, so to be perky all that time, just means that you're not paying attention to the world around you. Being perky means lying to yourself. Trying to create a world that doesn't exist. Being perky means that you're pushing out the world around you, and trying to create something that doesn't exist.
The people that live in a fantasy world aren't those that are dressed in all black, or even those that are trying to 'express themselves' the people that are living in a fake fantasy world are the ones who are perky.
Being perky isn't just a girl thing. Perky for various reasons is typically put in with being a woman, but guys can be perky too. Guys can be just as weird about being happy and overly positive about everything, and that's scary. Instead of looking at the world around them with a healthy amount of reality, they're running around thinking that everything is sunshine and rainbows and that everyone farts unicorns and poops rainbows.
This has stuck with me enough in the back of my mind that when thinking about goth, I always sort of smile at them because I know that they're afraid of the same thing that I think is bonkers. The people that they think are the weirdest most fake people in the world, are the same ones that I can't get along with. I just choose not to dye my hair black and grow out my nails.
With dressing up and showing yourself as the way that it needs to be (trying to get back on topic for this episode) my way that I think about this and people looking and trying to be looked at has been at raves. I love me a good rave. I love the music. I love how that I can plop straight down in the middle of the pit and just start bouncing and feel like the people around me don't care.
That's the funniest part about the rave culture. People dress weird.
You think goths are weird? No, try a raver. Ravers dress as weird and as bonkers as possible, and they do it intentionally. They put on the most outrageous of outfits that if you wore to any other location would be grounds of getting you kicked out of the establishment because of what you chose to wore, but at a rave, it's just another day of work and no one notices. They choose to wear clothing that is so outrageous and over the top anywhere else, but in the world of a rave, no one notices. It's just another person wearing a panda bear onesie.
Wearing a morph suit at a rave? Not a weird thing at all, in fact, it's almost expected and no one would really look that weird at you.
Wearing a tutu with combat boots? At a rave? meh.
As much as people dress to be looked at the entire deal is sort of funny because no matter how weird you dress, no matter what crazy thing you decide is what you want to represent you is completely looked over and no one cares. You care about how you look, but when you finally get to the event, no one could care less about your crazy Care Bear backpack.
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