Rant

Officially this was written on 7/1/2014 around 11:00 PM, but as we know I like to hide things that are more rant related into the background of the blog, because no one reads that. The three of you who do come here are most likely caught up, so you're not going to be looking back this far. Enjoy.


Sorry, I'm just fed up with things lately.

How in the world is it that some people can make it, and then just hide and everything is just fine? Do you know how impossible it is to get famous? To publish anything that people want to read, let alone are willing to pay you good money for?

Not fair.

I don't know, I'm just not feeling it lately. I'm just upset at everything, but nothing makes it better. Nothing.

I wish there was something that I found joy in, but I've been in this great state of bleh ever since graduation. I graduated, I started hunting for jobs with the help from Alicia, and I just feel bleh. Everything, every where, nothing really breaks it. It's not like I'm sad about everything, and it's not like I'm super angry, but at the same time I'm not super happy, and I'm certainly not feeling joy about anything. It's just a great big case of living my life from a 4-6. Now normally I would be okay with the 4-6 because that's who I am, I don't live the extremes, but I'm talking on my scale. The scale that everyone else sees me living as a 4-6 is my normal 1-10, but now I'm on my own 4-6 and it's just bleh.

This doesn't even make sense, but considering that I see that there are exactly three people that check this blog on a bi-daily basis (yes, I see any time that a person opens up this blog and looks at it, and it's every other day 0, 3, 0, 3) oh well, you 3 are big enough kids that you can deal with my random rants every now and again.

Anyways, nothing seems to be getting fixed, and it feels as though when I give it 100% and try as hard as possible, no one cares, but when I loaf around no one around me is going to try either. For example, it SMELLS in our house right now. I mean 100% over the top smell of rot. I cleaned dishes, took out trash, cleaned a litter box, aired out the house one afternoon before Alicia got home, I've tried everything to get rid of it, and yet it's still there. I've tried everything that I can and nothing has been a result. On the other hand Alicia points out that it smells every other time that she walks into the kitchen, does nothing, and the smell is still there. That's pretty much what's going on with my entire life right now, it doesn't matter if I try or not, I get the exact same results. It doesn't matter if I bust my butt over everything, nothing comes out of it. It doesn't matter if I am absolutely the best employee ever, or the best author ever, or the best Dad ever, I get the same results no matter how much, or how little I try.

Work smart, not hard - no?

I know I should push through and take pride in what I do, but I do nothing so how am I supposed to take pride in that? My job is a joke, my daughter seems to like me or yell at me no matter how great a dad I am to her, my writing has never (and feels like will never) gain the attention of anyone that reads it, and no matter what I do for the people around me it always seems like I can never do it right.

It's a sad realization when you realize that you're 28 years old and you're stuck at a call center at a dead end job because there's nothing else out there that will hire you and pay you what you need to actually be of value. Don't get me wrong, I did have that job offer a few weeks ago, but the idea of working for the EXACT same amount of money but having to commute and work for a company that was horribly organized and mismanaged wasn't my cup of tea.

I'm going through the motions of life, and it's starting to get boring. Whatever, I'll sort it out.