That First Sight Still Hasn't Happened - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/93/valentines-day-98

Alicia talks about when she first saw me in a suit as the moment that she knew, the moment that she saw me and had to take a double take because things got weird, and she realized that she was attracted to me. She pin points that moment in our teenage years as the moment that she knew. It wasn't love, not yet at least, but it was the moment when she knew that something was different, where there something off the normal path and she recognized it.

Even when I came home from Sweden, she can pin point the moment when we were together and she realized that there was something there and was hard out of luck because she knew that there was something there between us. She saw me. She felt something. She knew. For her, she has had that moment where love hits not just once, but twice all thanks to that break in my life where I lived in a different country for two years of my life.


I have never experienced that moment.

There are moments in my life that I have cemented in my memory with her that I loved, and are those perfect moments that I retreat to no matter what is happening to us in our lives now, but there was never a great big moment when love hit me over the head blind siding me with emotions. There are times when I've felt love, there's times when I'm content, or times when I feel perfect comfort near her, and there are even times in my mind when we've been together that I just get that happy moment when I realize that things are great just because. There was never a single point in time while we were dating, or even before we were dating, that I can point to and say, "That moment right there is when it happened. That moment is when I realized that I was in love with my wife."

The weird part about this is that I don't want it. I'm happy with how things are. I don't know what I would do if I had that moment. With everything in my life, things happened gradually. It doesn't just slam into my head and become, it slowly progressed into my personality. Loving Alicia started out slowly, it didn't start as a huge burning fire, it started as a small little spark and slowly grew into this thing that it is now. I really wouldn't know what else to do if things were different.