I am a 29 year old man, and I have never been in a fist fight. Saying something like that is almost akin to saying that you're a 29 year old virgin. Guys fight, they wrestle, they get upset at each other and violence starts, and yet I've managed to avoid it my entire life. I've learned to talk things out, or to attack with my words. You can spar with people verbally or via text, and fighting is a 'solution' that creates no actual solutions. Violence doesn't actually solve any problems, it only causes more, and I've been able to see that in the lives of people around me. I'm 29 years old and never been in a fight.
I still want to get in a fight.
Even though I know it's stupid, even though I know that there's nothing in it that is redeeming or validating for either person inside the fight, and even though I know that it can do some serious damage to both your mental and physical well-being - I still want to get into a fight, but much like learning how to work out at the gym, I feel like because I never learned when I was a kid the most basic elements of doing it, that I'll do it entirely wrong and end up hurting myself far more than if I knew what was 'proper' in how to throw a punch.
I don't know how to throw a punch, I don't know how to take a punch. I don't know what is and isn't okay to do in a fight. I don't know if it's okay to kick people in the balls, pull hair, or just do whatever I want. I don't know the first thing about fighting. I am completely clueless when it comes to fighting.
My exposure and understanding of fighting starts and ends with knowing that if I somehow am able to go backwards down and forward followed by a 'strong punch' I can, and should, if my timing is right, be able to throw a fire ball.
I don't watch boxing, I have never watched a full round of MMA, and any other martial art or anything else that could be considered fighting. I've never even done a Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout.
I'm not even restricted to boxing or MMA, I would love to do something even something as physical and physical/violent as wrestling. Again, I have about the exposure of nothing when it comes to wrestling but there is part of me that would love to do it.
The thing that is crazy about it is that I don't know why. I don't know why I want to get in a fight. I don't know why I want to get hit or hit someone, or even just wrestle someone down to the ground (or be wrestled down) but it's something that I want to do.
I think that part of it is the idea of being in control of it. It's physical. It's you trying as hard as you possibly can to do one thing. You try as hard as you can to do one thing, and it's a yes or a no into if your best is better than someone else. It's an easy way to rank yourself up against another person. With fighting, you get a clear answer. One person is a winner, one person is a looser, and it depends on something as simple as physical skill. Where my life is full of grey areas where I fill like I'm constantly fighting, but can't seem to get a clear cut 'win' or 'lost' out of a single event, it'd be nice to get a solid answer. It'd be nice to know for sure, where do I rank up in real life.
Then there's also the knowledge of hurting people. The idea of boxing is to knock a person unconscious. To hurt them as much as possible so their body can no longer want to function. I have never broken a bone. I have never gotten a black eye. I have never been knocked unconscious by anything. It's a weird thing, but I want to experience both sides of it. I want to know what it feels like (pain and all) of getting a black eye. I want to know how it feels to break my nose, and also how it feels when my fist connects into another guy's nose and feel it shatter, move, and break under my knuckles. I want to feel how it feels to try as hard as I can, be physically spent, and be unable to fight back. I want to be able to feel how it is to pin someone down, besting them in something physical. I don't know what it is about those feelings, but a weird little part of my brain wants to know what it is like.
I'm 29 years old and have never been in a physical fight of any type and one of the things I want to do the most is to get in a fight even though I know that it's a horrible idea.
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