The Box - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/91/escape-the-box

I've given up on trying to fight the box. I'm who I am, and there's not much I can do to try to fight it.

It's one of those weird moments that you start to realize it, but there are some things out there that I know about me. I've been around me for 29 years, and I know me pretty well. With those years of experience I've started to realize who I am on the inside. The unfortunate part is that there are times that I'm not happy with who I am. It's not something that I'm super excited about, but there are sometimes that I try to break away from who I know I am on the inside.

As much as I try to fight who I am, as much as I try to fight against the box that I should be in, the more I find myself longing for the box. I try to distance myself from what I know I am, and who I am, and then once I'm good and distanced from it all, I find myself being pulled back like a rubber band snapping back into place.

In my class I teach a book that tells students that to be influential, to be something worth mentioning, you have to think outside the box and be a person who changes things. As much as I wish that was true, as I keep going day to day, the more I start to figure out that it doesn't work this way. I can't think outside the box, because the box that I'm in is pretty much set on me. Anytime that I try to get outside of that box, I findmyself getting pulled back in.

Now, don't get me wrong, the box that I call home is not your normal box. The box that I like and the box that I feel comfortable in, to other people is totally outside of their box, but to me, my box is my box and that's where I live. Every time that I've tried to move past that, tried to fight what my box is, or even trying to make my box smaller so it's less crazy on the inside, my box just bounces back to the size it was before reminding me that I need to be inside of it.

I think that's the trickiest part about these boxes that everyone is trying to get out of. They are all different sizes and shapes. One person's box is another person's universe. Some of the big people that you think are thinking outside of the box, are living comfortably inside their box, it just happens that their box is a different shape or size than your box so you think that they're going outside of it. Some people are so worried about trying to get outside of their box, they don't understand that their box is an awesome cardbord box castle that you can do a lot of the stuff you want inside of and there's no need to leave.

 For me, I need to stop trying to leave my box, and just set up home inside my box, and finally realize that it has running water, electrical, and a cool sky light that none of the other boxes in the neighborhood have. If you're stuck in a tiny itty bitty box, sure, go think outside of it, but if you've got a super cool box fort, stop trying to get out of it and just play with what you've got.