My Identity - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/17/name-change-no-theme

It's the core question that everyone needs to be able to answer, who am I? The only tricky part is that although we live with ourselves, and should know ourselves better than anyone else out there. The only problem with that identity, is that a lot of time it gets away from us, and when we finally stop to realize who we have become, that our identity, who we really are at the core of everything, has slipped into something far away from what we thought we were.

For example, you might think that you're a normal person doing normal things, but then you stop for a second and realize that in the past year you're suddenly in love with a new TV show that only 'weird' people watch. Or you're going along just fine, and then your taste in music slowly changes from one genre to a different one. The awkward part about this is that a lot of times when you finally figure out who you are, and what your passions are in it's a rough ride telling those people around you those things. It's hard, not because you think people will abandon you, or anything like that, it's difficult because the new parts of your life, that you're trying to let people know about have stereotypes about them, stereotypes that you might even use against people within that community even though you're part of it too, and you don't want them applied to you. One of the best times of this, was Freshman year at BYU.

The floor that we called home, had the same people in it for two straight semesters. We shared bathrooms, we studied together, we played together, and we lived with each other. It took at least three or four months for us to finally admit to one another that a few of us (quite a few at that) had played D&D or had wanted to play D&D. It wasn't because we were afraid of it, or ashamed of it, once it was finally said, we talked about it openly as a group and had a good time playing some D&D, but before that we didn't want to say anything about it because we were too afraid that we'd get classified as 'one of those' typical D&D players.

Even I have that image of D&D players in my head. I don't think that D&D players are normal people, I have that stereotype in my head that if you play D&D, you live with your mom and dad in the basement, spend your nights on WoW, have a patchy beard because you don't shower or shave, and smell like Mt. Dew and Cheetos.

The same thing goes for writing. I don't like telling people that I write, or what I even like to write, because then I get bombarded with stupid, ignorant, assumptions made about what it is that I do, and/or assumptions about me because I have yet to be published. Because, apparently, it's super easy to do that. I don't tell people, not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want them to make that my identity before they get to know me all the way.

But, in the sake of letting it all hang out, and letting people know exactly who I am, here we go. (I want to put pictures for each of these, but trying to write this at work, so no pictures for now. I'll most likely edit it and put some in later tonight)

I'm a writer.

I love writing, but most of the time I don't like whatever you're suggesting me to read because I don't agree with the story. There are very few authors that I can read because I don't agree with most authors and how they choose tell their stories. Don't play the "have you read . . . .?" game with me because I'll start playing the game back with you, and no one ever wins with that game. Instead of saying, "Have you read. . . " try starting your point with, "I was reading . . ." If I have read it, I'll say I have, if not, you can still get your point across without trying to do the peeing contest of who has read more books than the other.

I'm a gamer. Not FPS games, but RP games, and anything that tells a good story. If it is a AAA game, chances are that I haven't played it and have no intention of playing it because it's marketed towards teenagers that have the attention span and brain capacity of a small dog, and I find nothing of value within them. I will never dress up like a character, but I can promise you that if you show any intention of playing games and want suggestions I will give you suggestions on games just like I would give you suggestions on good books that you have to read.

I listen to EDM (techno).

Not even just normal techno, my favorite genre is happy hardcore, and I can listen to it for hours. (In fact, listening to a Dougal and Gammer mix right now as I write this). I've only been to four raves. EDC 2005, EDC 2008, SOTU, and then one more up in SLC that I can't remember the name of, I think it was called Night of the Pharaohs or something like that. Either way, I honestly can't call myself a raver, because I haven't really gone to that many. I like the music for the music.

I'm a mormon.

True blooded, all the way. There are parts of my life that do need some polishing, like reading my scriptures more, being better at some of my callings, but major principles, teachings, and gospel doctrine, I agree with and try to live in my life. I'm not going to shove it down your throat, I don't think that the church is built to be like that. I agree with the idea, and live the idea, that God is a loving person, and he wants us to love one another. That means that we forgive each other, and accept the differences of those that are around us. Say what you will about all of the other commandments and rules but I think Christ sort of hit it right on the head with the whole two laws above all others. Love the Lord with all of your heart might mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. I wouldn't appreciate it if my neighbors were jamming religion down my throat, and I prefer my neighbors from a distance so bam, there you have me.

The rest of the list and assumptions go a little something like this -

I play cello -

 that's the one smaller than a bass. I like classical music, but I'm not a music snob about it.

I like to swim -

not in a speedo, those things are evil.

I play D&D -

don't live at home and smell like cheetos.

I like some anime -

as long as it's a good story, I'm all for it. I'm not Asian, nor do want to be Asian.

I like to garden/mow/lawncare -

but not your garden. Shut up and leave me alone, I'm not going to take care of your mess. Do it yourself.

I speak Swedish -

no it doesn't sound like the Swedish chef, no I'm not going to say something in Swedish, no not everyone in Sweden is a super model or a viking.

I spin fire -

I'm not a hippie.

I spin glowsticks -

I'm not an e-tard

I hate watching TV -

it's boring. I'm not trying to be a hipster, I just don't find much that entertains me enough for me to sit through an entire episode without wanting to do anything else.

I don't watch movies - I just don't have the time. I'm not going to dedicate hours to a movie when I don't know if I'm going to like it or not. Waste of time, and boring most of the time too.

I like Warhammer - see D&D entry. If I had unlimited amount of time and money, I would totally pick up this hobby, start with a Vamp Count army, and then most likely pick up 2k point armies one by one and have fun assembling, painting, and playing that game. Note: Fantasy Warhammer, not 40k.

I know how to cook - I'm not a chef. I just know how to follow a recipe, not cook things from scratch from memory.

I'm sure there are more little facets to my life that I can claim, but I've got to go pick up Addison from daycare, just know the basics. I don't share much about me, because I don't like the assumptions that are typically made, so I just stay quiet so you learn about who I am first, and once you get who I am, then I'll introduce you to the things about me that are in the background. If you don't understand the basics about me and my personality, then don't ever expect me to show you some of the other stuff that I do because I just don't want to deal with the assumptions.