Memorial Day

I don't care whatever happens when I finally get in the ground. However, when I finally make it into the ground and there are people that have the urge to visit me on memorial day, I've got some ground rules that we have to set right now.

1- NO FLOWERS

Nope, don't want them. Don't need them. Just, nope. No thank you.

2- NO GATHERINGS

You have a picnic on my grave and I'm coming to haunt you. No questions asked. You want me to haunt you until you join in in the ground? Have a picnic over my dead body.

3 - NO FORCING YOUR KIDS TO COME SEE ME

Seriously. If they don't want to be there, don't force them to come to my grave. Even you people who know me, better know that I'm sure as hell not going to spend eternity hooked onto a stone for you to come and drop by once a year. If you REALLY want to visit me, you know how to get in touch with me, and it sure isn't coming to look at where my remains are.

4- Books or Poems

If you're going to make the stupid decision to come and visit me, things that I will allow are books. You have full rights, and I totally support you coming by and sharing something that you read that you think I'll enjoy. Come on by and share a story, I'm all ears.

So in review - don't come and visit me, no picnics, no forcing family to be with you, and if you are going to come and visit me, you better come with a good story or chunk of literature that you think is worth getting me off of cloud nine, the literal cloud nine. I'll number them and I will be sitting on the ninth one, and that chunk of words better be good enough to make the trip. (Given I'm a sucker for any story, so as long as it's not too bad I'll listen)