I'm really starting to hope that this is the last political commentary episode for This American Life, I can only come up with so much about old, unimportant politicians. No one cares! What more can you say about them?
One thing did spark some interest in my mind, and it was the "interview" that they had with the man talking about self-deportation.
Now I'm not sure if at the time he was serious or if it was just good satire, and it brought me back to a few of my pieces of satire that I have come up with over the years, and I want to recycle one of them and post it up here for yet another easy post on my end that should (hopefully) only require a bit of copy and paste, assuming that I can find the documents. Now, unfortunately the document that I want to find is not on my google docs, or floating around in my laptop, which means I'm going to have to hunt down the external hard drive with the backup files of everything I wrote for college on it. Hopefully my partial slightly organized system will be able to find it without too many problems.
BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FOUND IT
To be clear, this was from a British Lit class that covered a Modest Proposal by Swift, as well as early Brit Lit, but we had a few projects within the class and were allowed to do different things, I wrote a satire inspired by Swift, but about something that was a bit closer to home at BYU. I have not edited it, what you're getting is what I turned in to my teacher.
An Arranged Proposal
It is a sad
state of affairs in the marriage happy community of BYU to see students unable
to participate in the rigors of courtship and civility due to the current
economic situation which in response creates a drought of consumable income. In
such a culture as BYU where marriage has always been a focus this is a problem
and must be resolved. During these economic times it’s hard to find the
motivation to get married for many students. Men do not have the money they
need to take women out, women do not have the money to get ready for a wedding,
and those who are lucky enough to hold a job work extra hours to keep their job
and pay for the essentials of life.
Even though
these economic times lead to less dating, courtship and proposals, there is
still a beacon of hope that many have held onto during the economic time full
of depravity, the constant of the BYU dating scene, FHE groups. Family Home
Evening groups are set up by the bishopric of the local wards so men and women
of their wards can once a week in a purely spiritual setting come closer to
God. Due to dating not being finically sound by BYU students FHE has been a
staple to meet their dating needs, with many meeting and marrying a ‘brother’
or ‘sister’ from their FHE family. The simple solution to the lack of dating
and the reliance on FHE groups for dating during these trying times is to skip
the time of going to FHE and allow bishoprics of the hundreds of BYU wards to
plan marriages for men that are twenty four years old and women that are twenty
one.
Planned
marriages set up under this system would not break a social norm, but would
instead follow in the footsteps of much of what current culture as well as
church doctrine prescribe for the unmarried BYU student. Not only do planned
marriages provide a progression from the current financial situation, but
through this simple solution more time would be available to BYU students for
education or employment which would assist to regress the current economic
collapse.
This
proposal to eliminate proposals would make life easier for both men and women
that are stuck in this currently confusing culture of despondency and
depression. Currently the men of BYU have to first find a prospective mate to
date, gain the gumption to ask her on a first date which must be entertaining,
creative, and exciting, while yet still being romantic yet not excessive. This
habit of the average BYU male only creates a pattern that must be followed by any subsequent date, with the fear of
letting down his hopeful bride to be terminating the relationship. Long gone
are the days of dinner and a movie at the local dollar theater. With planned
marriages men would not have to spend their time on such frivolous activities
like planning an elaborate date, and money would be saved as well which would
only strengthen the economy that is in need of dire help.
With men,
not only do planned marriages allow more time for studying and work as well as
more income, but it also provides relief to emotional distress. With planned
marriages men would no longer deal with the fear of saying something offensive,
rejection of any sort, or the dreaded breakup.
One
unconsidered benefit for men that has been seen in nations and communities that
practice planned marriages is that the men are allowed to remain immature until
the marriage, at which point they are expected to grow up. Men do not enjoy
growing up, even the oldest man still acts like an adolescent teenager giggling
when he hears an immature joke or comment. Through the inaction of planned
marriages men would given a larger window of time to enjoy what many consider
the prime of their youth.
For women
the problems that planned marriages solve are even more advantageous than those
of the men of BYU. Such drastic savings would include the lack of having to
search through numerous outfits daily. The average woman takes an hour and a
half to get ready for a normal day, however when told that they do not need to
dress to impress the time to prepare for daily activities changes to only
fifteen minutes. That is an astounding seventy five minutes that would be saved
daily that could be used for work or education. In a year’s time over twenty
seven thousand minutes would be saved by the average woman.
With the
lack of dating as part of the new BYU culture once planned marriages take effect,
there would be a lack of interrelationship complications, which would save time
and money of roommates and ultimately the entire Brigham Young University.
Interrelationship complications are typically created when the girlfriend
becomes upset at the boyfriend for a lack of communication or a lack of
expected attention. The result of an interrelationship complication usually
results in a woman talking to their roommate(s) for an extended period of time
of no shorter than one hour, which in during that time they cry, yell, and in
some cases food, especially chocolate, is involved. With the lack of dating,
time and emotional effort would be saved not only by the first woman but by her
roommate(s) as well, which could be used in a more productive light.
For women
the planned marriage age of twenty years old would allow them to start school,
progress through enough of their education to gain an emotional gratification
for their attempt at a college grade education, and stop them from worrying
about going on a mission. A mission for women is purely optional, and in an
economy as bad as the current situation we can not afford women to be leaving
for eighteen months to contribute nothing to the economy. Not only does a
mission served by women hurt the economy through the lack of individual
production, but the amount of hours given by MTC employees, church headquarter
officers, mission presidents, district leaders, zone leaders, and others could
be spent on more productive measures. During these times we need the women to
remain without the title Sister, and be productive in the home.
Planned
marriages will be popular in the Provo Valley which due to the current trend of
fast proposals and quick engagements. It is part of the BYU culture to date a
person and be married to them within a few months. This rush to be married is
because BYU students are already economically minded and understand the
importance of shortening the period of courtship which is not as important as
the actual marriage. Through planned marriages the BYU student would only be
taking this aspect of current culture only one step further, which would only
help the economy that much more.
Planned
marriages at BYU would also gain the support of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints. The church has released a statement saying that there is no
scriptural backing for the elusive ‘soul mate’ that the majority of BYU
students are attempting to find. The official statement from President Spencer
W. Kimball which was originally given during a BYU devotional was re-released
in the Liahona’s October 2002 issue. President Kimball states, ““Soul
mates” are fiction and an illusion. . . it is certain that almost any good man
and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing
to pay the price.”
Through
planned marriages no hunt for a ’soul mate’ will be needed. Instead of a hunt
for a soul mate, the only necessity will be that of men and women who are
willing to pay the price to make a successful marriage. Thanks to BYU’s strict
Honor Code, police department, and admission standards I would dare to say that
the general population of BYU is willing to pay that price to create a
successful relationship with their spouse.
Not only
does President Kimball teach that finding the right spouse to marry is no
longer necessary, but he teaches of the importance of the marriage over the
dating and courtship time. He says, “the selection before courting and then the
continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not
more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the
two individuals.” Dating and courtship do server their roles, however they are
not as important as the powerful relationship of a marriage. This view of
marriage and courtship will support the process of planned marriages due to the
fact that courtship and dating are completely removed from the process of
eternal marriage and the only thing that remains is the marriage.
A planned marriage would be arranged
by bishoprics through inspiration at the beginning of each semester of
attendance at BYU. Through this inspirational process individuals would be
matched with their new soul mate and sealed in the temple. Through the hard
work of the individuals and the pure power of a temple marriage the couple
would stay together, have more money from the lack of courtship rituals, and
become
contributing members of society that would be able to raise a
family and foster the growth of a more conservative political view from their
own homes. In a time of turmoil and stress with the political and financial
system, following the example that is already set for us by the hundreds of
students marrying within their FHE families, planned marrying will help change
the community of BYU for the better.
When the
implication of planned marriages takes place, there will be no law which states
that those younger than the prescribed twenty four or twenty, will be banned
from marriage. Those who are able to find a person that they are not soul mates
with, and are willing to work together for the greater good of the family, will
be allowed to marry. Through the allowance of those younger than the age limit
to marry, it shows the general public that they are still able to choose and
make their own decisions instead of being forced into a situation that they do
not agree with. If an individual does not enjoy the idea of planned marriages
they are able to marry on their own before they become the appropriate age.
Divorce
rates in the Mormon culture will also be at an all time low with planned
marriages implemented. Divorce rate only increases as the marriage age
decreases in the world as well as in the Mormon culture. Through planned
marriage, the pressure of getting married while still a teenager for women or
within a year of returning from a mission for men, will not exist. There will
be no rush to get married, because the individual can be assured that they will
get married if they are patient. This progression of the age of marriage will
allow for more mature decisions to be made, and for both parties to understand
the costs that need to be paid to allow for a successful marriage. Divorces are
also caused due to the husband no longer acting or treating the wife the same
was as when they were dating. With planned marriages there is no history, no
way for either individual to become upset about the past, and both will be
excited about the new relationship that they are in.
One benefit
to planned marriage is the chastity that the structure of planned marriages
would perpetuate. With the inaction of planned marriages men and women would be
able to know a specific date that they would have to stay chaste to. In our
current system men and women are told to be chaste until that magical day.
There is no set time, there is only a mysterious boundary that always seems
years away. Through planned marriages men and women from an young age would be
able to calculate and know the exact date that they are expected to remain
chaste until. Men would know that roughly 365 days after their twenty third
birthday they will be married and sexually active. This motivation of a
standard date for the loss of one’s virginity would allow for young adults to
set and plan their lives around a single date instead of the current system. It
is much easier to save one’s purity with the statement of, “On November 7th
2011 I will be married, and sexually active” instead of, “I hope that soon I
find a person that I could possibly marry so that I can become sexually active
in the next year.” Through planned marriages the purity of our youth would be
easier to help because people would have a set length of time to work with
instead of an unknown length of time.
Planned
marriages would also assist in perpetuating the church’s view on the ordinance
of marriage being between a man and a woman. No bishop within the church would
respectfully put two men or two women together as part of a planned marriage
and thus the sanctity of marriage would be perpetuated by example. This would
also remove the question of nature versus nurture when dealing with
homosexuality because it would remove completely the topic that is debated. If
there is no homosexuality in the world, then there is no argument of wither it
was by biological means or social teaching that homosexuality is
perpetuated.
Planned
marriages would fix many problems throughout all of society at no detriment to
the individual. There is nothing that an individual has to give up in the
planned marriage system. It is known that men are nuisances to society at the
age of twenty five, so there is already an expectation to be married by that
age. Love and personal choice isn’t necessary as seen by the quote from
President Kimball, and satisfaction is guaranteed due to the willingness to
make the holy union of a temple marriage work by the individuals that would be
involved in the marriage. The economy will be benefited, the community will be
benefited, and most importantly the individual will be benefited.
I myself
have no gain in this proposal seeing as I already have a fiancé that I will
marry later this summer and I am happy with the relationship that I have
gained. I am only speaking through personal experience, and proposing a plan
that would assist other students who are attending BYU in avoiding the
conflicts that have been raised within my own relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment