In 1996 I was Ten. . .

. . . and my family still thinks I'm 10.

After only one evening, not even a full day, just an evening, with my family. The majority of the jokes at my expense, the majority of stuff said to and about me, all point to one thing -

No one in my family can name a single thing that I have done of any merit since I was about 10 years old.

Given, my mom did make leaps and bounds and made it into middle school age with mentioning that I did play Magic the Gathering, however quickly snubbed any success in that one fact with the statement quickly after it telling me that I should just give them all away, and/or just give them to my nephew who doesn't even play and is collecting Pokemon cards. (Seriously, and let's be honest here, we all know that MTG is, and always will be, significantly better than anything that Pokemon puts out)

No - I will not play the song that I played in my 4th grade talent show.
No - I will not sell something that you wanted me to sell in 6th grade.
No - I don't want to be here.
No - I refuse to answer to Bobby.

Quick note on that last one. My brother in law's name is Adam. The solution, according to my family, is that instead of forcing the person who is not even actually blood related to us to go by his middle name, or call him Adam 2, is to either;

A) - Call him Adam 1, and me (the one who's been Adam the longest in their lives) Adam 2.
B) - Let him be Adam, and rename me to Billy, Bobby, Jim, or anything else that has nothing to do with my name.

Let's talk about how annoying it is to be called by the wrong name by your family.

Let's then talk about how annoying it is to be called by the wrong name by your wife.

Then, let's wrap things all up with talking about how frustrating it is when your wife goes off about how she thinks it's totally unfair to me how my family is treating me and how she can't believe my sisters would ever do that to me, in the car ride back to the hotel, AFTER complaining that she doesn't like the thought that my parents are paying for our hotel.

Really?

Seriously?

Really?

First, you're upset that we're getting something paid for, and you're acting like that is the most offensive thing to happen in the world? And then you try to act like it's a shame that my own family doesn't call me by my name as a far second runner up? And THEN you try to cover your own butt by saying that you can't believe that my family would ever do that to me?

Let's go out on a limb and do some rankings here.

1- my wife calling me by the wrong name after seeing how upset it made me.
2- my family calling me by the wrong name although they saw how much it upset me.


and


then


way


down

here

after

everything

else


that


happened

today
 
1,000 - My parents paying for a hotel room, for all of the kids to use, and us using it the first night as planned in the schedule that was set up two months ago, and that makes you feel like my parents are paying for everything, when in all reality we shouldn't even be on this trip because we don't have the money to pay for it.

Sure, let's go with my parents trying to help out making us look like we might not be financially stable (which we are not) being more of a drastic thing than my own family not recognizing that it is not 1996, or the common courtesy of calling their brother/son by his actual name. 

You want to know why I write? Today I remembered why I write. I write, because when I write I have a voice. When I write there's no mistaking my thoughts or opinions or what I want to do. In the real world, I can answer the same question 10 times and get overlooked because I'm just silly uncle Adam and he doesn't matter. In the real world my opinion, and my voice, mean nothing. I can say all day long that I don't want to be here, that I don't want to be on this trip, that I don't like my family, that I just want to have a normal Christmas, that I don't want to be on the road for 20+ hours in the next two weeks, that I want to prep for my classes that I am scared solid to even stand in front of, or whatever is actually on my mind. In the real world, my voice means nothing.

 When I write I have a voice.

When text hits the page and I am the one who put it there, you are listening to me. You are hearing my voice, and for someone who is never heard, that is heaven. Writing allows me a privilege that I never have in the real world, an audience who will listen. That audience might be strangers on the internet that I've never met. It might even be strangers in France (I see you there on my reports France, I see that you're still reading this stuff), but at least my voice is heard by someone. 

Holidays

The holidays are coming up, and that means that I'm going to be road tripping to in-laws and family's houses, which means that my internet connection will be unreliable on the best of days, and I'll be more worried about putting together a family puzzle around a coffee table than I will be about writing fun things for this blog.

Don't worry though, I'll keep a document open with my ramblings in it as I deal with family (because let's be honest, the frustration of my family is what caused me to write back in the day, and is a MAJOR source of material for anything that I write now, so something is bound to come up while I'm there). Also, I'm planning on downloading a document version of DA to my computer for making edits and reading while I don't have internet (because some members of my family are weird and have no clue how to set up their wireless, or don't have wireless at their homes).

If you haven't done it yet, give it a read!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bsPB8CjLyjr7_VHb-XIfWT-O2nC6oiBiIEPWMtaFO3s/edit?usp=sharing

It Sticks With You - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/42/get-over-it

Topics like this are always tricky, because Alicia keeps telling me that I need to write more about our relationship and how great a story our story would make, but then I get to facets like this in our relationship and I really don't know how well it will go over if/when she does read it, and heaven help me if this actually ever does become popular.

As I talked about in the letter episode - Alicia got married while I was on my mission in Sweden, and I didn't know about it. I didn't see pictures, I didn't get an invite, I didn't get a letter, it wasn't until I was home for a while and was talking to her regularly that it got dropped on me by a third party that Alicia was married.

She got a divorce, and then started to date me and we, obviously, got married.

The only problem about the entire thing is that somewhere in the back of my mind, that relationship and the details of it, has never really been discussed all the way, and I don't feel it's my spot to ask questions about it, because the past is the past and I'm not a fan of ever bringing up the past because no good can ever come from dredging up the past of people's lives.

I want to get over it, I want to put it behind me, but there are constant (not daily, but at least quarterly) reminders about her first marriage. She'll be talking about someone at work who is going through a divorce and talking to her about it and she'll bring up her first marriage. Or, like a few days ago, I'll be cleaning the bedroom and find a wedding album under the bed and think it's ours. . . and it's not.

Now, let me be perfectly clear, because there is that chance that she will read this. I have no problem with her past, and I know SOME of the circumstances of what she was doing in her life, and I have no problems with past lives being in our past. The thing I have to sit with is some of the most basic things about that relationship. She's dropped some hints about it, and some of the things around the lines of what was happening in her life, but there's just some things I don't know.

The questions that sit in my head are something along the lines of -
What did/does he actually do for a job?
Where did you meet him?
How long were you actually married to him?
What was your first wedding like?
What is he like?


It sits with me, because the only proof that I have that she was ever married before is that STUPID wedding album that keeps on coming up even though I hate it, and in the picture she looks so happy, and it just feels like she's not as happy with me now as she is in those pictures and it eats away at me. To me marriage is a serious thing, and even if it is just a 'teenage' mistake that you made while you were young and dumb, it's still something in your life that should be treated as something important, but every time that it gets brought up it seems like it was just sort of a 'meh whatever' moment of decision, but I don't see it there in the pictures and in some of the other things she's said to me, so I think there's more to it, but she doesn't want to talk about it because it's such a touchy subject.

Things like this you know you're supposed to get over. You know, deep down, that she is happily married and has a kid now, and isn't thinking about that life, but then you see a picture of the happy couple on their wedding day and you start to doubt it, and it sticks with you. You want to get over it, but you can't. You can forget about it for a few weeks, or even a few months, but it sticks with you, and it just won't go away. Ultimately you realize that some things, although they stick with you for a long time, just aren't worth looking into because no good can come from asking those questions.

Last One - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/41/politics

I'm really starting to hope that this is the last political commentary episode for This American Life, I can only come up with so much about old, unimportant politicians. No one cares! What more can you say about them?

One thing did spark some interest in my mind, and it was the "interview" that they had with the man talking about self-deportation.

Now I'm not sure if at the time he was serious or if it was just good satire, and it brought me back to a few of my pieces of satire that I have come up with over the years, and I want to recycle one of them and post it up here for yet another easy post on my end that should (hopefully) only require a bit of copy and paste, assuming that I can find the documents. Now, unfortunately the document that I want to find is not on my google docs, or floating around in my laptop, which means I'm going to have to hunt down the external hard drive with the backup files of everything I wrote for college on it. Hopefully my partial slightly organized system will be able to find it without too many problems.

BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FOUND IT

To be clear, this was from a British Lit class that covered a Modest Proposal by Swift, as well as early Brit Lit, but we had a few projects within the class and were allowed to do different things, I wrote a satire inspired by Swift, but about something that was a bit closer to home at BYU. I have not edited it, what you're getting is what I turned in to my teacher.

An Arranged Proposal

            It is a sad state of affairs in the marriage happy community of BYU to see students unable to participate in the rigors of courtship and civility due to the current economic situation which in response creates a drought of consumable income. In such a culture as BYU where marriage has always been a focus this is a problem and must be resolved. During these economic times it’s hard to find the motivation to get married for many students. Men do not have the money they need to take women out, women do not have the money to get ready for a wedding, and those who are lucky enough to hold a job work extra hours to keep their job and pay for the essentials of life.

            Even though these economic times lead to less dating, courtship and proposals, there is still a beacon of hope that many have held onto during the economic time full of depravity, the constant of the BYU dating scene, FHE groups. Family Home Evening groups are set up by the bishopric of the local wards so men and women of their wards can once a week in a purely spiritual setting come closer to God. Due to dating not being finically sound by BYU students FHE has been a staple to meet their dating needs, with many meeting and marrying a ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ from their FHE family. The simple solution to the lack of dating and the reliance on FHE groups for dating during these trying times is to skip the time of going to FHE and allow bishoprics of the hundreds of BYU wards to plan marriages for men that are twenty four years old and women that are twenty one.

            Planned marriages set up under this system would not break a social norm, but would instead follow in the footsteps of much of what current culture as well as church doctrine prescribe for the unmarried BYU student. Not only do planned marriages provide a progression from the current financial situation, but through this simple solution more time would be available to BYU students for education or employment which would assist to regress the current economic collapse.

            This proposal to eliminate proposals would make life easier for both men and women that are stuck in this currently confusing culture of despondency and depression. Currently the men of BYU have to first find a prospective mate to date, gain the gumption to ask her on a first date which must be entertaining, creative, and exciting, while yet still being romantic yet not excessive. This habit of the average BYU male only creates a pattern that must be followed  by any subsequent date, with the fear of letting down his hopeful bride to be terminating the relationship. Long gone are the days of dinner and a movie at the local dollar theater. With planned marriages men would not have to spend their time on such frivolous activities like planning an elaborate date, and money would be saved as well which would only strengthen the economy that is in need of dire help.

            With men, not only do planned marriages allow more time for studying and work as well as more income, but it also provides relief to emotional distress. With planned marriages men would no longer deal with the fear of saying something offensive, rejection of any sort, or the dreaded breakup.

            One unconsidered benefit for men that has been seen in nations and communities that practice planned marriages is that the men are allowed to remain immature until the marriage, at which point they are expected to grow up. Men do not enjoy growing up, even the oldest man still acts like an adolescent teenager giggling when he hears an immature joke or comment. Through the inaction of planned marriages men would given a larger window of time to enjoy what many consider the prime of their youth.

            For women the problems that planned marriages solve are even more advantageous than those of the men of BYU. Such drastic savings would include the lack of having to search through numerous outfits daily. The average woman takes an hour and a half to get ready for a normal day, however when told that they do not need to dress to impress the time to prepare for daily activities changes to only fifteen minutes. That is an astounding seventy five minutes that would be saved daily that could be used for work or education. In a year’s time over twenty seven thousand minutes would be saved by the average woman.

            With the lack of dating as part of the new BYU culture once planned marriages take effect, there would be a lack of interrelationship complications, which would save time and money of roommates and ultimately the entire Brigham Young University. Interrelationship complications are typically created when the girlfriend becomes upset at the boyfriend for a lack of communication or a lack of expected attention. The result of an interrelationship complication usually results in a woman talking to their roommate(s) for an extended period of time of no shorter than one hour, which in during that time they cry, yell, and in some cases food, especially chocolate, is involved. With the lack of dating, time and emotional effort would be saved not only by the first woman but by her roommate(s) as well, which could be used in a more productive light.

            For women the planned marriage age of twenty years old would allow them to start school, progress through enough of their education to gain an emotional gratification for their attempt at a college grade education, and stop them from worrying about going on a mission. A mission for women is purely optional, and in an economy as bad as the current situation we can not afford women to be leaving for eighteen months to contribute nothing to the economy. Not only does a mission served by women hurt the economy through the lack of individual production, but the amount of hours given by MTC employees, church headquarter officers, mission presidents, district leaders, zone leaders, and others could be spent on more productive measures. During these times we need the women to remain without the title Sister, and be productive in the home.

            Planned marriages will be popular in the Provo Valley which due to the current trend of fast proposals and quick engagements. It is part of the BYU culture to date a person and be married to them within a few months. This rush to be married is because BYU students are already economically minded and understand the importance of shortening the period of courtship which is not as important as the actual marriage. Through planned marriages the BYU student would only be taking this aspect of current culture only one step further, which would only help the economy that much more.

            Planned marriages at BYU would also gain the support of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The church has released a statement saying that there is no scriptural backing for the elusive ‘soul mate’ that the majority of BYU students are attempting to find. The official statement from President Spencer W. Kimball which was originally given during a BYU devotional was re-released in the Liahona’s October 2002 issue. President Kimball states, ““Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion. . . it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”

            Through planned marriages no hunt for a ’soul mate’ will be needed. Instead of a hunt for a soul mate, the only necessity will be that of men and women who are willing to pay the price to make a successful marriage. Thanks to BYU’s strict Honor Code, police department, and admission standards I would dare to say that the general population of BYU is willing to pay that price to create a successful relationship with their spouse.

            Not only does President Kimball teach that finding the right spouse to marry is no longer necessary, but he teaches of the importance of the marriage over the dating and courtship time. He says, “the selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals.” Dating and courtship do server their roles, however they are not as important as the powerful relationship of a marriage. This view of marriage and courtship will support the process of planned marriages due to the fact that courtship and dating are completely removed from the process of eternal marriage and the only thing that remains is the marriage.

            A planned marriage would be arranged by bishoprics through inspiration at the beginning of each semester of attendance at BYU. Through this inspirational process individuals would be matched with their new soul mate and sealed in the temple. Through the hard work of the individuals and the pure power of a temple marriage the couple would stay together, have more money from the lack of courtship rituals, and become

contributing members of society that would be able to raise a family and foster the growth of a more conservative political view from their own homes. In a time of turmoil and stress with the political and financial system, following the example that is already set for us by the hundreds of students marrying within their FHE families, planned marrying will help change the community of BYU for the better.

            When the implication of planned marriages takes place, there will be no law which states that those younger than the prescribed twenty four or twenty, will be banned from marriage. Those who are able to find a person that they are not soul mates with, and are willing to work together for the greater good of the family, will be allowed to marry. Through the allowance of those younger than the age limit to marry, it shows the general public that they are still able to choose and make their own decisions instead of being forced into a situation that they do not agree with. If an individual does not enjoy the idea of planned marriages they are able to marry on their own before they become the appropriate age.

            Divorce rates in the Mormon culture will also be at an all time low with planned marriages implemented. Divorce rate only increases as the marriage age decreases in the world as well as in the Mormon culture. Through planned marriage, the pressure of getting married while still a teenager for women or within a year of returning from a mission for men, will not exist. There will be no rush to get married, because the individual can be assured that they will get married if they are patient. This progression of the age of marriage will allow for more mature decisions to be made, and for both parties to understand the costs that need to be paid to allow for a successful marriage. Divorces are also caused due to the husband no longer acting or treating the wife the same was as when they were dating. With planned marriages there is no history, no way for either individual to become upset about the past, and both will be excited about the new relationship that they are in.

            One benefit to planned marriage is the chastity that the structure of planned marriages would perpetuate. With the inaction of planned marriages men and women would be able to know a specific date that they would have to stay chaste to. In our current system men and women are told to be chaste until that magical day. There is no set time, there is only a mysterious boundary that always seems years away. Through planned marriages men and women from an young age would be able to calculate and know the exact date that they are expected to remain chaste until. Men would know that roughly 365 days after their twenty third birthday they will be married and sexually active. This motivation of a standard date for the loss of one’s virginity would allow for young adults to set and plan their lives around a single date instead of the current system. It is much easier to save one’s purity with the statement of, “On November 7^th 2011 I will be married, and sexually active” instead of, “I hope that soon I find a person that I could possibly marry so that I can become sexually active in the next year.” Through planned marriages the purity of our youth would be easier to help because people would have a set length of time to work with instead of an unknown length of time.

            Planned marriages would also assist in perpetuating the church’s view on the ordinance of marriage being between a man and a woman. No bishop within the church would respectfully put two men or two women together as part of a planned marriage and thus the sanctity of marriage would be perpetuated by example. This would also remove the question of nature versus nurture when dealing with homosexuality because it would remove completely the topic that is debated. If there is no homosexuality in the world, then there is no argument of wither it was by biological means or social teaching that homosexuality is perpetuated. 

            Planned marriages would fix many problems throughout all of society at no detriment to the individual. There is nothing that an individual has to give up in the planned marriage system. It is known that men are nuisances to society at the age of twenty five, so there is already an expectation to be married by that age. Love and personal choice isn’t necessary as seen by the quote from President Kimball, and satisfaction is guaranteed due to the willingness to make the holy union of a temple marriage work by the individuals that would be involved in the marriage. The economy will be benefited, the community will be benefited, and most importantly the individual will be benefited.

            I myself have no gain in this proposal seeing as I already have a fiancé that I will marry later this summer and I am happy with the relationship that I have gained. I am only speaking through personal experience, and proposing a plan that would assist other students who are attending BYU in avoiding the conflicts that have been raised within my own relationship.

All I've Got is Swim Lessons - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/40/lessons

Fun note - assuming that each of these only take me an hour to listen to and write the response to (which they don't, typically speaking it takes me a lot longer than that to both listen, come up with a response, write the response, find pictures, and then finally publish it) I finally hit episode 40, which would mean 40 hours of work done, which is one whole week of work.

And I'm still listening to stuff produced in 1996.

This is going to be a long project.

Brutal honesty time - I'm going to be a professor at a certified university teaching students the basic principles of the English language and my only teaching experience (minus things religious related like my mission and teaching Sunday school) is teaching swimming lessons at Sunrise pool.

That's right, the only thing that I have to prove to myself that I'm going to enjoy teaching students in a very formal classroom, is the experience I had teaching kids who were 9-11 years old how to swim butterfly.

That feeling right there that you had for me. That feeling where you felt like you were on the top of a high dive and you were really wondering what in the world you had just gotten yourself into because there was no singular way that you were going to get off of that platform without hurting yourself, that is the feeling that I have every single day as the start of school starts. That feeling is why I can't go to sleep unless I am ragged tired and hardly able to hold my eyes open, because this is what I think about late at night if I'm given the opportunity to think. 

Late at night when my brain is allowed to think on its own, I go to the classroom and start thinking up situations. I start thinking of testing, I start thinking of writing assignments, I start thinking about how I'm going to grade them, I start thinking about commuting to the school, I start to think about what I'm going to wear, I start thinking about how I'm going to look, I start to think about how the students are going to think about me, I start thinking about falling on my face and trying to make it look like I intended to do the entire mess of things, I start to think about telling my students that it's my first real teaching job, I start to think about everything BUT sleeping because up to this point the only lesson I've ever taught that hasn't been in a church has been swim lessons.

Remember how I just wrote that I haven't been afraid of something in a long while? This job, the potential wrecking of my mind that it could do to me, is something that I am afraid of. I'm excited about it, but also entirely fearful of it. It's both the golden goose that can make me exactly what I want and grant me my wish, and the giant that can crush my head between its finger and thumb like it's nothing. This job is everything that I want, but at the same time dreadful because when it comes to lessons, and teaching those lessons, I have no clue what I am doing.

The worst part about it is that as it draws closer and the university keeps telling me to not worry and how the class is a "class in a box" and everything is already made up for me, the more I realize that it's not. They keep telling me that, but the truth is, they came up with the rough idea of it, I'm still trying to figure out what half of it even means, let alone how to convey something that I'm still trying to grasp myself.

I'm supposed to be teaching hard grammar principles to students.

If you haven't noticed in my writing on here, grammar isn't exactly my strong point. I can write, I can communicate, but I play with the rules as much as I want to get what I want said. I don't know all of the technical terms behind things, I don't know what I'm doing, I just know how it works and how to make it do what I want, and somehow I have to convey that play of the English language and all of the cool things that you can do with it, but can't do with it at the same time, to ESL and poorly performing students.

And the best I can do is show them how to do a solid flip turn in the deep end of Sunrise pool. 

Jaded - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/39/halloween

Honestly, I haven't been scared in a while.

I know that just by saying that I'm going to wind up in some super weird situation that makes me poop my pants, but really, things aren't that scary because there's a difference between horror and gore, and sadly a lot of fear based things are based more off of unsettling sights or sounds, rather than something that legitimately is frightening.

Let's go with a big one that really pushed the gore up to maximum - Saw

These movies are gorey. There's no real other way to say it. They play off the blood and guts of the horror genre like it's going out of style, and then they just try to one up themselves every time they do a new entry into the series. The guts, the gore, the painful death isn't scary, it's just shocking, but shocking isn't fear. It might rustle my feathers a bit, make me uncomfortable, or anything like that, but it's not the feeling of fear.

Even things with media that relies on the jump scare (Paranormal Activity for movies, and Dead Space for games quickly come to mind) the jump scare is effective at first, but it's not frightening or scary to have something randomly jump out at me and cause my body to jump. That's normal reactions to anything. You can have me on a normal day at work and something jump out at me and of course it's going to get my heart going faster, BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL. If my heart didn't beat faster or get my adrenaline pumping just a bit when a random thing lurches towards me I would be dead when it actually matters. That reaction does not mean fear, that reaction is a simple human response to needing to make an instant reaction to making sure that the thing jumping at you isn't going to kill you.

You know what is scary? Mental, psychological based, horror. You want me afraid of the shadows? You want me to jump at the sight of fog? You want me to get the jitters any time I hear static on the radio? You want me to permanently fear a specific thing? Get in my head and play with the psychology of a topic.

The tricky part to psychological horror is that it isn't as universal as gore or jump scare. What can cause one person a lot of fear and horror through an experience can make another laugh, and that's where I start to draw the line between good horror and bad horror. When someone creates something that is truly frightening it doesn't just scare you, it scares most of the people that come into contact with it.

I've talked about this before, but the one that to this date will be my horror go to is a game. I think games have a good way of playing with the psychological aspect of fear and horror because the audience is involved with it. Silent Hill 2 is a game that will stick with me mentally for a long time. I can (and have previously) gone on about it for a long time, but simply it's a blend of a lot of different elements all coming together to make one mentally terrorizing game that is also entertaining and riveting to play. It's not based in gore, and it's not based in jump scare, it's based entirely on getting into your mind and toying with your brain. 

The Biggest Simulation - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/38/simulated-worlds

There is a weird simulation that has been going on for a long time, and it only gets better and better each day as people work to perfect it, and not to get too meta, but you're part of it right now.

The internet, and all of the tools of communication that we use throughout the internet are some of the most bizzare simulated situations that we can find ourselves in. Now, before you get on the train of World of Warcraft and other simulated worlds as games online, I'm not going that way, I'm going in basic use of text and communications through online portals, it's crazy how simulated our world has become.

Let's start out with the most basic things like email. It's a simulated form of mail. It's not real mail, it doesn't get delivered to us in an envelope, there's no postage due, and there's little to no wait time between sending the email and the party receiving it in their in box, but we still try to simulate the world of the old physical letter, because that's what we're used to.

Let's go past the business world and the internet, how there are company store fronts that are their e-stores and how weird of a simulation that is, that we have electronic shopping carts and all of that shenanigans, and dive straight into this world of blogging.

This is a super backwards, weird, super funky simulation that we have found ourselves trapped in. It goes borderline into snooping into the personal life of random people, but also tip-toes the line of exhibitionism because the author is the one putting the personal information about themselves online to be read by perfect strangers. This goes beyond randomly stumbling upon a journal or diary from a stranger that happened to leave it behind on a bus or at a library, because through blogging we are simulating that interaction of the author creating something personal with their own thoughts and opinions, and the audience sneaking in and stealing a glimpse of it every single time that the blog is updated. With that repetition and invasion of personal space and personal thought being broadcasted to the world to read at whatever point is convinent, we're not just simulating stumbling upon an author's journal, we're simulating a full fledged stalker relationship.

If this was anywhere other than the internet, and I told someone that there are a dozen (or so, I can't get exact numbers on you people reading this because Blogger is weird) people that daily check on my life and see what I am writing, I'd have a dozen stalkers that would borderline in on a dozen restraining orders, but the internet makes that perfectly okay. This relationship that we have is WEIRD, and it only works out in a simulated world.

Think of it this way. Without the internet, and this simulated world, you'd have to come up to me every day (or however often you check this blog) and to my face say, "Hey, could I read your journal? I'd like to see what you had to say about what you listened to this week on the radio, or just any other thoughts that you have about life."

Then there's also the weird simulation of what this blog and these conversations that I have with you are stationed in. Because of the blog, and because of the weird thing that is automatic internet publication of blogs, this thing seems far more formal than it actually is. Any blog is more formal than it actually is. There's a tradition of publications taking a process to go through, a series of editors and drafts to ever get published, but because of blogging, I can type whatever I want, hit publish, and it's there, but it carries with it the simulated idea of formal publications. When you think of me writing this (unless you know me) you most likely have no clue what my front room looks like, or what I even look like, you most likely have a VERY wrong idea of the creation of this blog.

If it's a late night post, like this one -
I am not sitting at a desk.
I am typically wearing PJ's.
I am typically staring at a pile of clothes that need to be folded as well as a pile of toys that haven't been picked up.

Even  if it is a post that I write while at work, my work environment, thanks to the joys of the internet, is a simulation in your head. As much as I'd like to romanticize some blogs, and even some vlogs, it's really nothing special. We try to act like they are, but it's really just someone sitting at home talking to themselves.

He Finally Did the Thing!

Okay, I'm listening to This American Life as I'm grinding out EXP on RO, and it finally happened. He finally did the thing!

For anyone that listens to the show now days, you have learned to know that Ira at the end of every show will poke fun at Torey Malatia by attributing a strange quote or noise to him! Up to this episode, he's been working up to it, and some of them are missing it entriely, but finally episode 38 he finally says the words, and finally does it. 

HE DOES THE THING!

New Haven RTC - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/37/the-job-that-takes-over-your-life

 My wife belongs to New Haven RTC.

I'd like to think that me, or even my daughter have part ownership of her, or even that possibly something bigger than her in the church makes a dent in her life, but honestly, she belongs to New Haven RTC, and we just rent her out when she's not dealing with New Haven.

I can't quite say that there's ever been a job in my life that has consumed my life, but I have been in the relationship that I'm in, and seen my life disappear into her job. It starts out with a simple thing, and only progresses from there.

All staff at New Haven RTC are on constant 'on call' status. At any point of any day a mass text goes out, and all hands are on deck, have to leave whatever they are currently doing and phone into a large conference call, if they don't, there's hell to pay and your job starts to hang on by only a thin thread. This only happens when a girl attempts to run away from campus, but it's still annoying when you are doing something with your wife, and then a text comes out and she has to drop everything to worry about her job from anywhere from an hour to six or seven hours. Just a few weeks ago a girl tried to run around five at night, and Alicia was out hunting for her until nine at night. It didn't matter what was happening at home, it didn't matter about anything else, Alicia was there. She wasn't getting paid for it, she didn't get any bonuses for playing hide and go seek with the suicidal teenager, she was just 'doing her job'.

Luckily, runs are a rarity. They don't happen that often, and when they do, they typically are over in an hour, or less. There's even been a few times that by the time Alicia is dressed and ready to go out to play hide and go seek, the girl shows up and there's no need to run off from whatever we were doing.

Want to know what isn't a rarity? Emails.

Alicia HAD (her words, not mine) to get a smart phone for work. It wasn't even an option. When talking about data plans and phone plans, she says that there is no way that she could possibly ever do anything less than unlimited, and mainly it's because of her work.

Her phone is constantly in her hand and is constantly bleeping, ringing, or buzzing telling her that she has a new message. Most of those messages are email notifications. All of those emails are from work. Stay around her for more than an hour, and at bare minimum she will receive two emails from work. If things are really bad, she'll have to respond to them at any give time.

What this means is that when she's finally home to be with the family, she's constantly getting emails from work (which confuses the hell out of me because what are people sending you emails about at 8:00 at night?) and she has to read them, because that's her job.

Along with her phone, she also HAS to have a Facebook account just for her job and her students there. So that means that she isn't just checking one Facebook while at home, she's also checking work Facebook.

Then there is the pure massive amount of physical effort she has to put into her job. There has yet to be a day in the past month that she has come home and said anything besides, "I'm so tired." or "I have had such a long day." or "I have such a bad headache from work." It is a rare day that my wife comes back from work without feeling completly drained wanting to go to sleep at 9:00, has a headache that requires her to lock herself in a silent dark room for an hour as soon as she gets home, or isn't completly beat so the only thing that she can do is lay on the couch while she goes through all of the emails that were sent to her on the car ride home that she missed because she was driving.

I look forward to the day that she quits that job because hopefully I'll get my wife back. She won't be constantly tired, constantly having a headache, and constantly have her nose in her phone. It'll be an interesting day when Alicia spends more time playing with her daughter and talking to her husband than thumbing through emails on her phone. And just to be clear because I don't want to hear about this later - it's not her fault - it's her jobs. 

Sverige! - My American (not so really) life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/36/letters

The first thing when I heard this topic was that I had no clue where I was going to find any single letter that I had ever written or sent that wasn't older than maybe a few years thanks to me cleaning out my email every now and again. I really didn't know what was going to happen, but then I remembered the folder in my shelf that I have every single correspondence that I wrote while in Sweden. There's maybe a handful that are missing of what I wrote to some people (the letter I wrote to Idiot and a few others quickly come to mind, although I think it would be interesting to see what I did actually write to Idiot because I keep trying to remember just how harsh I was or what I said and I keep making it worse and worse in my head as to what I said to him in that letter, and I'd really like to know what the actual words were) but luckily for you, I still have some of the other stuff I wrote while in Sweden (Sverige if you're Swedish, hence the title). This isn't exactly my American life, seeing as it happened while in Sweden, but we'll count it because I'm American and it happened to me while being alive.

We're going to one from Alicia (my wife) to me. According to the envelope, we're going to say that this was sent sometime around September 8th, 2006.

Adam,

I just want to state right now that I am the best lifeguard ever. Becuase over hte course of my 10 hour shift today I will be writing this letter. =) Ok and just for the record, I have about 3 letters started on my comptuer, I just never printed them out. Sorry, I am a lazy fat kid now. Which I'll probably print out tonight becuase there is some stuff I am too lazy to write out.

Ok, I was watching the weather the other day, and you know how August is normally monsoon season for us, well this time last year we had 6 inches of rain for the year, this year, .5 inches for the year. Can you please come into town so we can have a storm or two please. When you left, you took the good weather with you.

I'm a little space so I might jump from one topic to another so get ready.

 full intention of continuing to attend church and go with that direction. And he even goes with me, but he has no intention of becoming a member. Now, I've done my whole own personal prayer. But you are like my best friend and I have to know what you think. Because part of me really wants to do this and knows that this might really work and I would be happy, but then there's that part that just has to know what you think and if you think I am making a mistake. I just don't want you to be dissapointed in me. So thats why I'm kinda in Limbo at church, but its not like I'm leaving, I'm still going and I'm still happy there. I guess my plans are just a little different. And the fact that they keep trying to send me to singles ward, I don't wanna. you know how I feel about single's ward. I just want you to know I'm trying my hardest to do what I think is right for me.

Ok, so I didn't write for the full 10 hours, but I gotta work sometimes.  Oh, quick note, Ryan, Andrea's brother, he joined the Army. His mom called me because apparently the team at Parkdale that Andrea and Chrissy were on took 6th. Andrea's mom was mad because I didn't come back.

Oh yeah, if you haven't read the other letter first, read it now, I'll wait. . . ok finish up . . . good continue. I'm going to CCSN this fall, I ended up getting the millienum scholarship so I'm staying here and using it.

As for an EDC trip. Oh yeah! Sounds like Fun =)

And you got blue ultras and you have permission, that measn I want pictures and as for me, I'm still practicing, I just need new sticks, I broke my last ones. But I got some time before the next EDC< but I am totally up for that trip, as for what to do or where to stay, I'll save up and get you a hotel room and get me a bigger one. Hahah. But yeah, I got some money and it'll be all good.

But I'm still sorry about my little leave of absence. It won't happen again =) Miss ya, hope everything is good over in Sweden

<3
Alicia "uh-lick-ah"

Honestly, I grabbed this one just because it's the first that I saw. There wasn't really any reason behind it, but for those of you playing at home this letter is the only hint that I was given in Sweden that Alicia was going to be married when I came home, and that drama is better saved for a different episode of this, but just as a spoiler, it's a good hunk of drama.

Sort of a crazy letter now that I look back at it.

For those wondering there was also a printed letter from her computer that was part 1 to this, that honestly wasn't nearly as juicy as part 2, so we only stuck to part 2. 


Easiest post in the series yet! And I thought the freebee from the previous post was easy. I didn't even have to think while writing this one.

Free Write - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/35/fall-clearance-sale

This entire episode is just random things that didn't really fit anywhere else, so I'm taking that to mean that I get to write about whatever I want that hasn't really fit anywhere else. It's like the free space in your bingo card, but for writing!

Yesterday I went to LDSBC (the school that I'm going to be teaching at) and sat through the new teacher orientation. Now, I'm all for the church doing its thing and making education available for people that would otherwise not have it, and the college itself is a powerful tool that will help students become something more than what they are and give them the skills and knowledge to make it in the world, but there's a point in time that you have to draw a line between the corporate secular world and the very spiritual world of church. To try to blend together something so secular (making money, starting a business, etc) with something super spiritual just doesn't work, and I don't see how it could ever work.

For example, while sitting there, the main guy introduced the next speaker and said something along the lines of, "If you've been in the Salt Lake temple recently you might have seen him there."

For those of you who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we have temples. They're awesome places where we make covenants with Heavenly Father and we believe that what we do in there is some of the most sacred things that we can do while alive. But, to do them, we need people to officiate and run things in the temple. All the announcer was doing was saying that the next speaker works in the temple, but I just didn't see the relevance of it. What does him being a temple worker have anything to do with him being a good teacher at the LDSBC? The two are not related in any way, but for the announcer, one proved the other as if it was proof that he was the next greatest thing in the world just because he was a temple worker.

Given, this is also the guy who tried to hint and wink and nudge things towards the temple without outright saying that this is what happens in the temple, and it was just done in bad taste. Pretty much this guy was everything that I see wrong with the church in the area; they don't understand where seperations between topics exist. For them, EVERYTHING is the same level, and that either diminishes something that is levels above something important, or hightens something that is secular and stupid to too high of a level.

For example - BYU's honor code.

It's an interesting thing, but basically every single student is forced to sign it, or else you can't go to school there. It says that you won't lie, cheat, steal and that you will follow the dress and grooming standards of the school. The first part, I think is an interesting and really good thing to have within any university. Having students agree to not cheat on tests is something that is a good thing to have students agree with on their way into a school, however, the grooming standards have never made sense to me. Things like making sure that you shave EVERY day is just annoying, not to mention the fact that specific hair and clothing styles can get you kicked out of the classes that you go to. The biggest problem about the honor code is that people think that this university policy is doctrine of the church.

Let me be perfectly clear, because apparently the people at LDSBC that were teaching this didn't want to mention this and looked at me like it was heresy for me to say it. The honor code is in no way associated with, or doctrine of, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You can make it to heaven with facial hair. You can make it to heaven while wearing a hat. You can even make it to heaven with long hair if you're a man. Jesus isn't going to be standing up there going, "Oh, you were so close, but that beard. . . sorry but that just means that you're not going to make it."

Again, for anyone that didn't catch it the first time - the dress and grooming standards of the church schools is not doctrine for the church. They are separate things, and do not apply to each other. There never has been, nor ever will be (hopefully, I don't know I'm not a leader in the church) a revelation to the entire world wide church body saying that every single member of the church has to follow the honor code standards of dress and grooming. It's a dress code for a school, it's just like if you go to a private school and they say you have to wear khaki's and a specific color of polo shirt, it only applies to the standards of that school, not for the entire church.

It's stupid things like this that people don't understand that there is a separation between the two. The church as a whole, and the entities that it supports, are not always the same thing. Just because you go to LDSBC, BYU, BYU-I, BYU-HI, or anything else ran by the church, does not mean that the rules of those schools, are actual doctrine. It frustrates me when people go off about what is and isn't doctrine, and over emphasize something that is not actually a commandment from God and try to make it out to be just as important as the ten commandments, but then take something that is from God (like the temple) and demean it and lower it down to something as simple as what qualifies them to be a public speaker.

Schedule

If you're ever in the area, feel free to see me be a nervous wreck in front of a classroom of 20 students!

MWF from 8:50 - 11:00 in room 605 (There's two classes in this one, the second one starts at 10, but I'm in the same room for both of them) or TTh from 9:20-10:50 in room 807 I will be nervously trying to teach people about English and how to write.

I know I got the job and that I should feel comfortable in the fact that I have my degrees, but as it gets closer, the more I start to doubt what in the world I'm thinking standing in front of an entire class trying to educate them about the English language.

No Longer Special - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/34/democratic-convention

As part of this episode they talk about trying to make Clinton seem bigger and better than just a normal guy so they gave updates as to which train he was on, which helicopter he was, and where he was on his trip to the convention. The idea that the more hype that they could get around him, the more he would seem to be something beyond just a normal person that has a normal life. Unfortunately, this is what just about every company or organization does with whatever they are creating or trying to produce. Increase the hype enough around something and it turns from being something normal that you could expect to be a specific way, into the world's best thing. For this one, we're going to go over some of the things that I think have got way too much hype for what they actually were.

People love themselves some GTA, and I just can't get behind it. People hype it up so much that I'm expecting the game of the century, and then I play it and die of boredom because there's nothing there. The same goes for a lot of games. Call of Duty, is also on this list. The hype behind these games are so big that I start to doubt wither or not the game is actually worth it. The one that this is happening with right now is the new Dragon Age game. There are commercials about it, there's advertisements, there's Dragon Age everywhere, and I always see on the bottom of the screen, 'Images are not representative of actual game play' and I start to worry about the game. The advertisements are flashy, the graphics (see above) look impressive, but in the back of my mind I'm pretty sure that it's not going to be anything good about it at all.

Then there are movies that just seem a solid ball of meh when I actually see them. The biggest culprits to this are the 'cult classics' that everyone seems to love and can't stop talking about. The biggest contender for this is The Princess Bride.

People loose their minds when dealing with this movie, and the hype about just how awesome it should be is one of those that I can't even begin to explain, but no matter how much people freak out about it, I just can't get behind it, and see it as anything good. The same goes for Napolian Dynamite, Rocky Horror, and most of the super hero based movies. The easiest way that you can tell if a movie is over hyped and is going to be a disappointment is to look at the preview (also works with game previews). Is the preview about any actual aspect of the story or is it mainly flash bangs, explosions, and cuts of people staring at each other? With games it's super easy to tell when people are trying to skirt the issue of the actual quality of their product because they won't show game play, or show only cut scenes from game play. The other thing to watch out for with over hype is the stupidity of the advertisement resting more on the name of the actors in it, the developers behind it, or the company that is backing it. If you're going to a movie, playing a game, or reading a book ONLY because your favorite actor, producer, director, or production company has it's name on the item, it's going to be a sad day for you.

One of the best times I've ever seen the hype around something absolutely ruin it was with Disneyland. That place is supposed to be amazing. It's the magic kingdom, the home of Mickey, the world where dreams come true, and everything else that happens. The hype doesn't even stop when you enter the place, once you're in the run down place that hasn't really been updated since it was originally built the hype still happens when you're there. There's posters there's people talking, and the hype even happens when you're in line for the ride. And then you finally ride the stupid rides and you realize that the hype and the build up were what made the ride exciting, but the ride itself was a solid 'meh' when it came down to it. Let's be honest with each other, Space Mountain is a kiddie ride that if it didn't have the build up and the hype before it, wouldn't even be worth a second glance at a real amusement park, but because it's Space Mountain, it's one of the most extreme, cutting edge rides at Disneyland.

This all goes hand in hand with politics and how I feel about them. Each voting cycle politicians come out and they try to hype their campaign more than anything else, but in the long run, when they finally get into office they're a boring kiddie ride that no one would have voted forif they had been honest and carried less hype about what could be done at the start of it all. Politicians love to talk about compromise and action and making things change, but I've yet to see a single politician do that. They hype it up, and then in the long run, just aren't that special. 

Night Shift - My American Life

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/33/a-night-at-the-wiener-circle

This episode is sort of funny because I've noticed that when I deal with these topics I tend to wander a bit away from them or touch on them slightly, but then go stupid in the opposite direction and do whatever I want, and that's sort of what happened with this one. He starts off with an AMAZING opening that would actually sound really interesting - spending an entire night at an all night hot dog stand, recording stories, recording the crazy that is late night, and then the rest of the show happened and had little, if anything, to do with his all night romp through the underworld of late night hotdog stands. The best part is that at the end of the entire program he says that the un-aired stuff that they grabbed from the stand but weren't able to use would be used in a later program . . . I'm four episodes in the future from this one, and they have still yet to get back to the hotdog stand that I actually want to hear about. Back to what I actually want to talk about, the nigh shift.

When we first got married, I was hunting for a job and trying to be a big kid I needed a job, and that job, unfortunatley, was to work nights and weekends at a gas station.

When I think about night shifts and late shifts, I don't think about anything even slightly entertaining, I think of nothing but the most boring period of my life.

If you have never worked at a gas station, I strongly suggest that you never do it. What you don't know, because they're rules that only apply when no one else is in the store is that there are things that you can, and can't do. For example you can't sit on the counter, you can't sit down, you can't read, you can't listen to music too loud, you can't do much of anything besides stand behind the counter waiting for someone to show up. Near the end of the day there you get to do chores, and it's one of the only times in your life that you willingly rush to clean out coffee filters, toilets, and mop the floor because that's the most exciting thing that you could be doing at that point in time.

I wish that I could say that fun things happened, that characters showed up and life was interesting, but all thing considering, the people that you work with late night at a gas station are what really keeps the interest. Grown adults that keep telling you that they're going to nursing school when they finally get enough money together, and then blow it all on stupid things. People who eat snack foods from the gas station at the same rate as they make money, essentially making their paychecks pay for the snacks that they eat. Even adults that have real, full time, careers, and then for some unknown reason  that even when they explained it to you for the tenth time that night, made no sense of why they would need/want to have a job that pays a third of what they would make at their real job.

The one thing that is true, is that when you work the odd hours at a gas station, the "regulars" that show up night after night, week after week, are anything BUT regular people.

One of my favorite 'regular' customers was a 4'10" guy who would come in and buy an entire display box of 5 Hour Energy, or at least he'd buy 5-10 at a go. It would be 9:00 at night, or even later, and he'd come in, buy a dozen 5 Hour Energies, chug two of them while in the station, and start on his third on his way out the door. I can't even imagine his dependency on 5 Hour Energy drinks.

The only other regular that quickly comes to mind is the popcorn lady. The popcorn lady was from Spanish Fork (a nearby city that is at least a twenty minute drive) and she'd call ahead of time to ask if we had any popcorn from our popcorn machine left. She'd show up, and was a mouse of a lady. It honestly looked like the only thing she would eat was popcorn. She would squsih the box, tap it against he counter, and do everything she could to knock down the popcorn to try to prove that we weren't filling it up all the way. And after insisting that we give her a full box of popcorn after tapping everything down, she would pull out a wallet that she kept closed with multiple rubberbands to keep it from exploding open because it was full of old receipts and business cards from random places.

Just like the 5 Hour Energy guy, by the time she reached the sliding doors, she was three fists full of popcorn down into her box acting like it was the only thing in the world that she could eat.

Late nights at jobs are weird, but late nights at a gas station really pull out the weirdos, and only the super weird are out often enough to become regular customers.