I've been avoiding writing this one.
I've written three different versions already because love is a tricky thing.
It's tricky because I can honestly say that I've only really loved one person, so I can't really go out on long tangents about love, or those moments where there is none, without pointing fingers and making people upset that I really don't want to be upset.
As much as Alicia says that she wants me to write about our lives and what we have gone through and what we are going through, I really question if that is true or not, so I"m going to make this as kind as possible while still trying to talk about - the list.
Yup, let that sink in, and the basic concept of that.
The list is a list of people that you would be willing to cheat on your spouse with, and the theory is that both people in the couple have their own lists. Ready, at the drop of a 1/1,000,000 chance, to be swept away with a person on their list, leaving their spouse behind.
Now, part of this, at first, is cute and sort of funny.
For example, watching you're watching a show, and she says at least three or four times in the series of only about 10 minutes, how bad one man is on her list, and how attractive she finds him, how much she loves him, and how that if I ever wanted anything in life from her all I would have to do is look like him.
Now, I don't fancy myself that much of a feminist, but can we reverse the idea here? Can we gender swap for two seconds and talk about how demoralizing that is? Let's imagine that I find an actress that I find more attractive than my wife, then I watch the shows that she is in religiously constantly talking about how good looking she is, and how if she was to walk into my life that I'm really sorry to my wife, but I'd have to do the actress. Let's not forget the constant reminders from me about every scene she's slightly well dressed or groomed that I have to tell my wife how great the actress looks and how that if she ever wanted me to do anything for her, she'd just have to look that good. You know what sweetie? If you want me to fall really in love with you, all you have to do is be a size 3 dress size, have hair that you naturally don't have, have a wardrobe that costs more than what you make in a year, and have the facial structure of someone completely different. If you just do all of those things, THEN I'll fall in love with you and want you as much as I want this random actress who I've never even spoken to in real life.
I know that I haven't always been the best husband, but it always gives me a good swift kick in the nuts whenever she talks about actors that she would have a hard time not instantly sleeping with, or at least making out with, if she had the chance.
The list, or anything along the lines of it, is emasculation 101. You want me to feel like nothing? Tell me just how bad you love someone else who isn't even real. You want to make it so that I don't want to be in the same room as you, point at something that is so Hollywood produced that I couldn't even afford the shoes that the person is wearing and tell me that, to you, that is good looking. You want to have me want to physically hurt you? Say that you love a fictional character with more passion than you say that you love me when you're half asleep right before you go to bed. The worst part about it, is that I can't say much/anything about it. I mention it and the response will be, "You know I'm just joking, right? Stop taking things so serious. I'm just having a good time."
It always makes my day brighter when my person who I love, tells me how much she loves (even if in passing or in joking) someone else.
And finally, a nice solid middle finger to #1 on the list. Screw you. You're most likely a good person, but I hope I never meet you in person because you'll always be the person who my wife compares me to, and I'll never measure up to a fictional character that is constantly under hair and makeup with perfect lighting.
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