Yay! Finally remembered it!
Thanks binge watching Netflix!
Sep 30, 2014
Finally!
I can't even tell you how long it has been that I've been trying to remember which Mahler symphony was the one that I played. I never wanted to hunt through all of them to find the right one, and I could only remember one part, but thanks to Star Trek Voyager (Season 5: "Counterpoint") I finally was able to hunt it down as symphony #1, second movement. I swear, I've had this intro stuck in my head for such a long time, the cellos start it out and it's just the same little bass line over and over again, and for the life of me I could not remember the rest of the song.
Yay! Finally remembered it!
Thanks binge watching Netflix!
Yay! Finally remembered it!
Thanks binge watching Netflix!
Sep 27, 2014
Tips and Trick
It's one of those things that seems to be misunderstood lately, but when I talk about what I talk about on this blog, it's honestly things that I enjoy, what is going on in my brain in the hours that I don't need to be thinking about something.
I honestly enjoy gaming.
I honestly enjoy writing.
Those two things are what help me unwind. After a long day, I don't want to watch TV, I don't want to watch a movie, I could even care less about eating a good meal, what I really want to do is get lost in a good game, or get lost in writing a good story.
I don't know what it is, but TV, movies, and even some books, aren't exactly my cup of tea. I'd much rather sit back, play a game, and grind out a few dozen levels. That is what relaxes me.
Edit #1- stopped writing for a bit because things came up.
With this in mind, it helps understand a few other things.
I don't play hyper competitive games (HoN, CoD, Dota2) or infuriating games (Dead Souls) because who would ever get relaxed by that?
I don't watch the same TV shows over and over again, because I already heard the story, and it's not interesting. If a story isn't interesting, why would I watch it? I have the same standards that I have for games that I have for everything else. Why would I play the same game multiple times, if I already know the story and nothing is going to change? I'm a sucker for a good, suck you in and don't let you go, type of story. One that you feel involved in (or are actually involved in), is what I look for. Either way, watching the same show for the eighth time just isn't fun for me, I don't see what anyone would get out of it. Being able to quote lines from a show from heart is about as dull as those people that can quote entire games from heart. Go find something else, go watch something else, go explore what other stories have to be told, listening to the same one every day is boring. There's millions of stories out there, why stick yourself with the same one, over and over, and over, and over, and over again?
Just my 2 cents.
In other news, I'm going to start substitute teaching soon, I'm scared out of my brain to even think that I would be in charge of a classroom. Here's hoping that I don't screw up too bad!
I honestly enjoy gaming.
I honestly enjoy writing.
Those two things are what help me unwind. After a long day, I don't want to watch TV, I don't want to watch a movie, I could even care less about eating a good meal, what I really want to do is get lost in a good game, or get lost in writing a good story.
I don't know what it is, but TV, movies, and even some books, aren't exactly my cup of tea. I'd much rather sit back, play a game, and grind out a few dozen levels. That is what relaxes me.
Edit #1- stopped writing for a bit because things came up.
With this in mind, it helps understand a few other things.
I don't play hyper competitive games (HoN, CoD, Dota2) or infuriating games (Dead Souls) because who would ever get relaxed by that?
I don't watch the same TV shows over and over again, because I already heard the story, and it's not interesting. If a story isn't interesting, why would I watch it? I have the same standards that I have for games that I have for everything else. Why would I play the same game multiple times, if I already know the story and nothing is going to change? I'm a sucker for a good, suck you in and don't let you go, type of story. One that you feel involved in (or are actually involved in), is what I look for. Either way, watching the same show for the eighth time just isn't fun for me, I don't see what anyone would get out of it. Being able to quote lines from a show from heart is about as dull as those people that can quote entire games from heart. Go find something else, go watch something else, go explore what other stories have to be told, listening to the same one every day is boring. There's millions of stories out there, why stick yourself with the same one, over and over, and over, and over, and over again?
Just my 2 cents.
In other news, I'm going to start substitute teaching soon, I'm scared out of my brain to even think that I would be in charge of a classroom. Here's hoping that I don't screw up too bad!
Sep 25, 2014
I am Done With Today
The worst part about it, I got so stressed out about stuff today trying to get them done, but ultimately not, that now I'm super awake, and as much as I want to be done with the day I can't go to bed yet. Thanks insomnia.
Sep 24, 2014
Endings
I hate them.
Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
They say that hate is a strong word and that you shouldn't use it. No, you should use it when you know that it's a strong enough for what you want to say, so yes, I hate endings to stories, especially stories that I'm writing.
The problem with writing story endings is that you have to say goodbye.
Now, that's not a particularly difficult problem in real life, people come and go, and you get over your goodbyes, but stories, and characters that you have made from your own mind, trying to say goodbye to them is like trying to say goodbye to a chunk of yourself and letting it go.
Do you want to know the reason that Alpha to Omega, and Trip (my two longest stories) are my longest stories? Because I had the opportunity to end them early, but I loved the characters too much, I was too attached to them, and too attached to the story to ever say goodbye to them so I kept writing.
These four idiots that are part of DA, are part of me. As much as I want to get rid of them and move on to something else, or even start doing (gasp) editing on their story, I don't want it to end because I love them so much. Remember how in previous topics I don't know or really have much experience with love? My characters, in a really weird way, are in the small category of 'people', if you'll allow it, that I love. Even the poorly written ones in high school (especially the poorly written ones in high school) have a place in my heart and I love them.
The worst part is, I totally play favorites with my characters near the end and it's hard to finish the story properly. As crazy as she is, and as anal as she is, I love Pia, and I don't want her story to end the way it does. I know it has to, and I know it is absolutely the best story ending that I can come up with that makes the entire trip worth it, and I know I know I know, but deep down inside I want someway to make it work for her.
Oh well. . .
I just have to suck it up, write my farewells to my characters, close my eyes and pull the trigger.
Bye you four (and a half, Omel, you totally count as a half even though you're hardly a supporting character) crazy fools. It has been a pleasure writing as you.
Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
They say that hate is a strong word and that you shouldn't use it. No, you should use it when you know that it's a strong enough for what you want to say, so yes, I hate endings to stories, especially stories that I'm writing.
The problem with writing story endings is that you have to say goodbye.
Now, that's not a particularly difficult problem in real life, people come and go, and you get over your goodbyes, but stories, and characters that you have made from your own mind, trying to say goodbye to them is like trying to say goodbye to a chunk of yourself and letting it go.
Do you want to know the reason that Alpha to Omega, and Trip (my two longest stories) are my longest stories? Because I had the opportunity to end them early, but I loved the characters too much, I was too attached to them, and too attached to the story to ever say goodbye to them so I kept writing.
These four idiots that are part of DA, are part of me. As much as I want to get rid of them and move on to something else, or even start doing (gasp) editing on their story, I don't want it to end because I love them so much. Remember how in previous topics I don't know or really have much experience with love? My characters, in a really weird way, are in the small category of 'people', if you'll allow it, that I love. Even the poorly written ones in high school (especially the poorly written ones in high school) have a place in my heart and I love them.
The worst part is, I totally play favorites with my characters near the end and it's hard to finish the story properly. As crazy as she is, and as anal as she is, I love Pia, and I don't want her story to end the way it does. I know it has to, and I know it is absolutely the best story ending that I can come up with that makes the entire trip worth it, and I know I know I know, but deep down inside I want someway to make it work for her.
Oh well. . .
I just have to suck it up, write my farewells to my characters, close my eyes and pull the trigger.
Bye you four (and a half, Omel, you totally count as a half even though you're hardly a supporting character) crazy fools. It has been a pleasure writing as you.
Same Ol' Thing - My American Life
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/16/economy
This episode was scary, because had you just changed some names around. People are still worried about the economy, people still are biased about political candidates, the national debt is still ridiculous, and nothing has really changed, but there is one that I'm sort of in relation to, and so I'll write about that here.
It's the whole idea that if you work hard, you'll make it.
It's the American Dream, you work hard, do your part, and you'll at least make it to middle class status. You'll have your own home, you'll have your 2 1/2 kids, and life will be comfortable because you work hard. The reality on the other hand is that you can work as hard as you can, but for some people no matter how hard you work, you're stuck living a low class life.
It's the curse of the temp worker. You can have experience, and you can even be good at your job, but because you're a temp worker, you're never going to get a raise, you're never going to progress.
It's sort of the world that I'm in right now. I have skills, I have education, I work my butt off on trying to hold down a job and work as hard as possible, but the honest truth is that if I was the only person in my household working, there wouldn't be enough money to pay the bills, yet alone live comfortably.
Fort hose that haven't read this book, it's actually pretty cool. She goes out and finds out exactly what I'm talking about, that you can work SUPER hard at entry level, and low end jobs, but no matter how hard you work, unless you're doing two different jobs, or living with multiple people that are doing the same thing, you can't live a normal life. You either get into a high amount of debt, or you just barely get by, but being 'comfortable' has less to do with how hard you work, and more with the level of education you get and the people you know.
Not exactly the best post I've ever popped out, but there's not much to say about poltiics that seem to repeat themselves.
This episode was scary, because had you just changed some names around. People are still worried about the economy, people still are biased about political candidates, the national debt is still ridiculous, and nothing has really changed, but there is one that I'm sort of in relation to, and so I'll write about that here.
It's the whole idea that if you work hard, you'll make it.
It's the American Dream, you work hard, do your part, and you'll at least make it to middle class status. You'll have your own home, you'll have your 2 1/2 kids, and life will be comfortable because you work hard. The reality on the other hand is that you can work as hard as you can, but for some people no matter how hard you work, you're stuck living a low class life.
It's the curse of the temp worker. You can have experience, and you can even be good at your job, but because you're a temp worker, you're never going to get a raise, you're never going to progress.
It's sort of the world that I'm in right now. I have skills, I have education, I work my butt off on trying to hold down a job and work as hard as possible, but the honest truth is that if I was the only person in my household working, there wouldn't be enough money to pay the bills, yet alone live comfortably.
Fort hose that haven't read this book, it's actually pretty cool. She goes out and finds out exactly what I'm talking about, that you can work SUPER hard at entry level, and low end jobs, but no matter how hard you work, unless you're doing two different jobs, or living with multiple people that are doing the same thing, you can't live a normal life. You either get into a high amount of debt, or you just barely get by, but being 'comfortable' has less to do with how hard you work, and more with the level of education you get and the people you know.
Sep 20, 2014
Andrea Reed - My American Life
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/15/dawn
There are certain teachers that stick with you, and they start to gain the mythical status where rumors and stories start to circulate about them, which are just true enough that you start to think about them as truth, one of those that was in my life was Andrea Reed, or Mrs. Reed for those under the age of 60 that spoke with her. I don't think I ever heard anyone, even her 'peers' in other teachers ever call her by her first name, she was always, and will always be, Mrs. Reed.
Mrs. Reed was THE chemistry teacher.
The rumors about her were rampant, but there was one thing that was clear, her classroom was her domain and no one, not even the administration had power in there.
She was a retired (according to the rumors) college professor who was teaching high school chemistry and science classes, and she was notorious for chewing kids up and spitting them out. She had no problems with making students cry, being brutally honest with them, but if they were willing to listen, she was willing to dump so much information into your head that you would be smarter than the other chemistry teachers combined.
One of the best stories, that as far as I'm aware is a fact, was after the first few weeks in her chemistry AP class, she would stop her class and congratulate them for knowing more than Mr. Chapman, the baseball coach that doubled as a chemistry teacher only because he had to have a job at the school to coach baseball.
The scary part about her, was that she had awards to back up her teaching, but she didn't brag about them, you had to hunt them down about her. In her back corner of her classroom, behind a pillar, next to the door that would lead back to the back stockroom, were a series of awards given to her from major teaching groups for nation wide teaching awards. But as soon as you saw them, you'd have to turn tail and run back out of the classroom before her attention was turned on you and you were told just how much you were slacking.
Opposed to common belief, I never took a class from her. Ever. I was part of science olympiad and she was one of the team coaches, but other than that, I avoided her because there was one thing that she wanted from her students, perfection. With science olympiad, it was almost as bad as being in her class, because she had one simple, basic, understanding of what we were getting ready to do - we were going to win. She wasn't bashful about it, she didn't pull punches, she pushed every single one of us to be perfect, to be the best we could be, and it was simultaneously the best thing a teacher has ever done for any student that I have ever seen, and also the most scary, heart rattling thing any teacher had ever done.
Even in college I never quite had a teacher that DEMANDED greatness from students. There were ones that had higher expectations, but there were never ones that would chew you up, spit you out, and shame you in front of everyone, like Mrs. Reed.
I have no clue what happened to her. I'd bet that she's out there somewhere, terrorizing someone about not being as good as they could be. But if I could have my way, I'd keep a miniature Mrs. Reed in one pocket and a Bro. White (long story there, but he's a second place in kick you in the butt and make you do something teacher list) in the other. I'd never slack off, and my productivity in life would be through the roof.
There are certain teachers that stick with you, and they start to gain the mythical status where rumors and stories start to circulate about them, which are just true enough that you start to think about them as truth, one of those that was in my life was Andrea Reed, or Mrs. Reed for those under the age of 60 that spoke with her. I don't think I ever heard anyone, even her 'peers' in other teachers ever call her by her first name, she was always, and will always be, Mrs. Reed.
Mrs. Reed was THE chemistry teacher.
The rumors about her were rampant, but there was one thing that was clear, her classroom was her domain and no one, not even the administration had power in there.
She was a retired (according to the rumors) college professor who was teaching high school chemistry and science classes, and she was notorious for chewing kids up and spitting them out. She had no problems with making students cry, being brutally honest with them, but if they were willing to listen, she was willing to dump so much information into your head that you would be smarter than the other chemistry teachers combined.
One of the best stories, that as far as I'm aware is a fact, was after the first few weeks in her chemistry AP class, she would stop her class and congratulate them for knowing more than Mr. Chapman, the baseball coach that doubled as a chemistry teacher only because he had to have a job at the school to coach baseball.
The scary part about her, was that she had awards to back up her teaching, but she didn't brag about them, you had to hunt them down about her. In her back corner of her classroom, behind a pillar, next to the door that would lead back to the back stockroom, were a series of awards given to her from major teaching groups for nation wide teaching awards. But as soon as you saw them, you'd have to turn tail and run back out of the classroom before her attention was turned on you and you were told just how much you were slacking.
Opposed to common belief, I never took a class from her. Ever. I was part of science olympiad and she was one of the team coaches, but other than that, I avoided her because there was one thing that she wanted from her students, perfection. With science olympiad, it was almost as bad as being in her class, because she had one simple, basic, understanding of what we were getting ready to do - we were going to win. She wasn't bashful about it, she didn't pull punches, she pushed every single one of us to be perfect, to be the best we could be, and it was simultaneously the best thing a teacher has ever done for any student that I have ever seen, and also the most scary, heart rattling thing any teacher had ever done.
Even in college I never quite had a teacher that DEMANDED greatness from students. There were ones that had higher expectations, but there were never ones that would chew you up, spit you out, and shame you in front of everyone, like Mrs. Reed.
I have no clue what happened to her. I'd bet that she's out there somewhere, terrorizing someone about not being as good as they could be. But if I could have my way, I'd keep a miniature Mrs. Reed in one pocket and a Bro. White (long story there, but he's a second place in kick you in the butt and make you do something teacher list) in the other. I'd never slack off, and my productivity in life would be through the roof.
Sep 16, 2014
Bookshelf
I talk about this thing a lot, and with me finishing (not 100%, just getting to final credits and being done with) Midnight Club I turn back to my bookshelf and have to figure out what to do next. Quick note before I go through the bookshelf, Midnight Club really wasn't that hard. Once you learned the patterns that cars would show up in, and how traffic would react to certain things, it wasn't that hard. The final four "bosses" I 2/0-ed back to back to back to back while falling asleep because it wasn't super difficult. There are only so many tracks, so you just memorize the track route, and then stomp on the gas and ride the motorcycle because cars get stuck between cars while bikes can zoom around things a lot better. Sure, you might go flying off your bike if you so much as touch anything, but it's worth it.
Anyways, the bookshelf of games that I have not played and need at least 1 playthrough -
Tales of Destiny 2
Tales of Xillia
Portal 2
Deadpool
Dragon Age II
Lightning Returns
Mass Effect 1
Mass Effect 2
Mass Effect 3
Catherine (don't let the picture fool you, it's actually a really hard puzzle game with great audio)
Dead Space 3
Disgaea D2
Heavenly Sword
Cross Edge
Xcom
Skate 3
Tales of Symphonia 1
Tales of Symphonia 2
Batman Arkham Asylum
Batman Arkham City
Ratchet and Clank
Ratchet and Clank Going Commando
Ratchet and Clank Up Your Arsenal
Deus Ex Human Revolution
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon
Hitman Absolution
Bioshock Infinite
Gran Turismo 5
Yes, the list did get longer since I last wrote it all down, because there were things on sale that I just couldn't pass up, and because Danica gave me games and said, "you just have to play this", and because Levi left games with her, and I stole them from her saying that they were mine now.
Now comes the tricky part of trying to decide which would be the next on the procrastination evening gaming list, because let's be honest, we all know that this time at night should be better spent doing something productive, not upping my MMR on HoN, or playing a bookshelf game.
Okay, ran out of time to keep adding videos, I might do some more while at work tomorrow, but that's the list, and they are all good games (hence why they're on the shelf) now I just have to pick one. . . or not, and write/read more. So many choices!
But for now, the choice is sleep.
buhahahahahaha
edit again! Put in all of the videos, enjoy.
Anyways, the bookshelf of games that I have not played and need at least 1 playthrough -
Tales of Destiny 2
Tales of Xillia
Portal 2
Deadpool
Dragon Age II
Lightning Returns
Mass Effect 1
Mass Effect 2
Mass Effect 3
Catherine (don't let the picture fool you, it's actually a really hard puzzle game with great audio)
Dead Space 3
Disgaea D2
Heavenly Sword
Cross Edge
Xcom
Skate 3
Tales of Symphonia 1
Tales of Symphonia 2
Batman Arkham Asylum
Batman Arkham City
Ratchet and Clank
Ratchet and Clank Going Commando
Ratchet and Clank Up Your Arsenal
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon
Hitman Absolution
Bioshock Infinite
Gran Turismo 5
Yes, the list did get longer since I last wrote it all down, because there were things on sale that I just couldn't pass up, and because Danica gave me games and said, "you just have to play this", and because Levi left games with her, and I stole them from her saying that they were mine now.
Now comes the tricky part of trying to decide which would be the next on the procrastination evening gaming list, because let's be honest, we all know that this time at night should be better spent doing something productive, not upping my MMR on HoN, or playing a bookshelf game.
Okay, ran out of time to keep adding videos, I might do some more while at work tomorrow, but that's the list, and they are all good games (hence why they're on the shelf) now I just have to pick one. . . or not, and write/read more. So many choices!
But for now, the choice is sleep.
buhahahahahaha
edit again! Put in all of the videos, enjoy.
Sep 15, 2014
My Life as Documenterary - My American Life
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/14/accidental-documentaries
Documenting your child's life has become an obsession with parents. They want proof that at an early age their kid was the smartest, the fastest, and most dedicated. Even though 99.999% of the youth concerts, t-ball games, or whatever else four year olds can sign up in now days, as adults you have nothing to do with it. The catch is that once every now and again, there's one of the people that actually make something with their life, that actually decide to turn things around and do something amazing with what they were doing when they were five.
I am not one of those people.
If we were to only go by the videos and documentation that my parents have made of me while growing up, I should be an all star swimmer or a professional cellist. I have concerts on top of concerts with more concerts on the side worth of cello music, and then I also had the summer swim teams that I was on and have many hours of my white little legs belly flopping into the pool (seriously, I don't know why I kept swimming, I have the worst start in the history of the world, I love the water part, I just can't get into the water gracefully).
But even those I don't really know if they fit into the world of accidental documentaries, because they're not really catching anything that's normal. They're not catching a conversation with the family, they're getting what's going on, they're just catching one brief glimpse in time where I'm performing or swimming. The thing that really came to my mind when talking about accidental documentaries, is all of my writing.
Sure, it might not work out to be the best on radio, or film, but if you want a glimpse into my brain and what is going on in my mind, you have to read what I write. I think the biggest catch to this is the idea that in documentaries you record until people get so bored of you recording that they start to act normal. Writing as started to do that with me. It has gotten so boring and I've done so much with it, that when I'm doing something like this, I'm just being myself. As much as I wish I could posh this up a bit and sound fancier, this is legitimately how I think and hat is going on in my brain.
I blame it on early years having to journal write. For a long time, each sunday (or at least it was supposed to be each Sunday) we had to work on either a baby book (scrap book of pictures) or our journals. Journals got boring, and I hated reading them too because it was always about how that on a certain date a certain thing happened and that was it. There was one relative of mine, that I'm sure if I went back and tried to read that I"d enjoy, but it was just boring to go through because he just talked about how he was traveling to one place to another, and never actually talked about what was going on in his head, what he tohught, how he felt, or anything that was going on in his personal life. It was very much went to A then traveled to B with C. BOOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGG And the worst part was that I was following that same track down the journal lane, but then my teenage years hit and I started to write what I felt. Screw the date, screw the happenings of the day (seriously, I doubt that anyone wants to know what was happening in high school with teenage me), I wrote what I was feeling, what I was going through, and whatever drama (no matter how lame and adolecent) was in my life. I wrote about what mattered to me, and that's how it's been ever since.
It might not be the most interesting documentary, but if you want an insight into my life and my thoughts, just read anything that I've ever written that I haven't had to turn in for a grade. The less I think that someone else is going to read it, the more I write like me.
Side note at the end of this - WOW people went crazy reading about the list. Either one person checked my blog on every computer they could find, or just. . . wow. Way to shock a person guys.
Documenting your child's life has become an obsession with parents. They want proof that at an early age their kid was the smartest, the fastest, and most dedicated. Even though 99.999% of the youth concerts, t-ball games, or whatever else four year olds can sign up in now days, as adults you have nothing to do with it. The catch is that once every now and again, there's one of the people that actually make something with their life, that actually decide to turn things around and do something amazing with what they were doing when they were five.
I am not one of those people.
If we were to only go by the videos and documentation that my parents have made of me while growing up, I should be an all star swimmer or a professional cellist. I have concerts on top of concerts with more concerts on the side worth of cello music, and then I also had the summer swim teams that I was on and have many hours of my white little legs belly flopping into the pool (seriously, I don't know why I kept swimming, I have the worst start in the history of the world, I love the water part, I just can't get into the water gracefully).
But even those I don't really know if they fit into the world of accidental documentaries, because they're not really catching anything that's normal. They're not catching a conversation with the family, they're getting what's going on, they're just catching one brief glimpse in time where I'm performing or swimming. The thing that really came to my mind when talking about accidental documentaries, is all of my writing.
Sure, it might not work out to be the best on radio, or film, but if you want a glimpse into my brain and what is going on in my mind, you have to read what I write. I think the biggest catch to this is the idea that in documentaries you record until people get so bored of you recording that they start to act normal. Writing as started to do that with me. It has gotten so boring and I've done so much with it, that when I'm doing something like this, I'm just being myself. As much as I wish I could posh this up a bit and sound fancier, this is legitimately how I think and hat is going on in my brain.
I blame it on early years having to journal write. For a long time, each sunday (or at least it was supposed to be each Sunday) we had to work on either a baby book (scrap book of pictures) or our journals. Journals got boring, and I hated reading them too because it was always about how that on a certain date a certain thing happened and that was it. There was one relative of mine, that I'm sure if I went back and tried to read that I"d enjoy, but it was just boring to go through because he just talked about how he was traveling to one place to another, and never actually talked about what was going on in his head, what he tohught, how he felt, or anything that was going on in his personal life. It was very much went to A then traveled to B with C. BOOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGG And the worst part was that I was following that same track down the journal lane, but then my teenage years hit and I started to write what I felt. Screw the date, screw the happenings of the day (seriously, I doubt that anyone wants to know what was happening in high school with teenage me), I wrote what I was feeling, what I was going through, and whatever drama (no matter how lame and adolecent) was in my life. I wrote about what mattered to me, and that's how it's been ever since.
It might not be the most interesting documentary, but if you want an insight into my life and my thoughts, just read anything that I've ever written that I haven't had to turn in for a grade. The less I think that someone else is going to read it, the more I write like me.
Side note at the end of this - WOW people went crazy reading about the list. Either one person checked my blog on every computer they could find, or just. . . wow. Way to shock a person guys.
Might Have to Change Names
Bored at Work just might have to become "Bored at Home".
Thanks to my job being my job and being super cheap, there might be some downsizing for no other reason than the owner wants more money, so I might not be able to work any more (I could work, but I wouldn't be able to afford day care for Addison so I wouldn't be able to work). "Yeah, hopefully."
-strange look-
"I want it to be my job to write, I write novels for fun."
-stranger look-
Sep 11, 2014
The List - My American Life
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/13/love
I've been avoiding writing this one.
I've written three different versions already because love is a tricky thing.
It's tricky because I can honestly say that I've only really loved one person, so I can't really go out on long tangents about love, or those moments where there is none, without pointing fingers and making people upset that I really don't want to be upset.
As much as Alicia says that she wants me to write about our lives and what we have gone through and what we are going through, I really question if that is true or not, so I"m going to make this as kind as possible while still trying to talk about - the list.
For those that don't know, the list is a (hopefully) imaginary list of celebrities that if they were to come up to you, your marriage would be put on hold and you can do whatever you want with them.
Yup, let that sink in, and the basic concept of that.
The list is a list of people that you would be willing to cheat on your spouse with, and the theory is that both people in the couple have their own lists. Ready, at the drop of a 1/1,000,000 chance, to be swept away with a person on their list, leaving their spouse behind.
Now, part of this, at first, is cute and sort of funny.
For example, watching you're watching a show, and she says at least three or four times in the series of only about 10 minutes, how bad one man is on her list, and how attractive she finds him, how much she loves him, and how that if I ever wanted anything in life from her all I would have to do is look like him.
Now, I don't fancy myself that much of a feminist, but can we reverse the idea here? Can we gender swap for two seconds and talk about how demoralizing that is? Let's imagine that I find an actress that I find more attractive than my wife, then I watch the shows that she is in religiously constantly talking about how good looking she is, and how if she was to walk into my life that I'm really sorry to my wife, but I'd have to do the actress. Let's not forget the constant reminders from me about every scene she's slightly well dressed or groomed that I have to tell my wife how great the actress looks and how that if she ever wanted me to do anything for her, she'd just have to look that good. You know what sweetie? If you want me to fall really in love with you, all you have to do is be a size 3 dress size, have hair that you naturally don't have, have a wardrobe that costs more than what you make in a year, and have the facial structure of someone completely different. If you just do all of those things, THEN I'll fall in love with you and want you as much as I want this random actress who I've never even spoken to in real life.
I know that I haven't always been the best husband, but it always gives me a good swift kick in the nuts whenever she talks about actors that she would have a hard time not instantly sleeping with, or at least making out with, if she had the chance.
The list, or anything along the lines of it, is emasculation 101. You want me to feel like nothing? Tell me just how bad you love someone else who isn't even real. You want to make it so that I don't want to be in the same room as you, point at something that is so Hollywood produced that I couldn't even afford the shoes that the person is wearing and tell me that, to you, that is good looking. You want to have me want to physically hurt you? Say that you love a fictional character with more passion than you say that you love me when you're half asleep right before you go to bed. The worst part about it, is that I can't say much/anything about it. I mention it and the response will be, "You know I'm just joking, right? Stop taking things so serious. I'm just having a good time."
It always makes my day brighter when my person who I love, tells me how much she loves (even if in passing or in joking) someone else.
And finally, a nice solid middle finger to #1 on the list. Screw you. You're most likely a good person, but I hope I never meet you in person because you'll always be the person who my wife compares me to, and I'll never measure up to a fictional character that is constantly under hair and makeup with perfect lighting.
I've been avoiding writing this one.
I've written three different versions already because love is a tricky thing.
It's tricky because I can honestly say that I've only really loved one person, so I can't really go out on long tangents about love, or those moments where there is none, without pointing fingers and making people upset that I really don't want to be upset.
As much as Alicia says that she wants me to write about our lives and what we have gone through and what we are going through, I really question if that is true or not, so I"m going to make this as kind as possible while still trying to talk about - the list.
Yup, let that sink in, and the basic concept of that.
The list is a list of people that you would be willing to cheat on your spouse with, and the theory is that both people in the couple have their own lists. Ready, at the drop of a 1/1,000,000 chance, to be swept away with a person on their list, leaving their spouse behind.
Now, part of this, at first, is cute and sort of funny.
For example, watching you're watching a show, and she says at least three or four times in the series of only about 10 minutes, how bad one man is on her list, and how attractive she finds him, how much she loves him, and how that if I ever wanted anything in life from her all I would have to do is look like him.
Now, I don't fancy myself that much of a feminist, but can we reverse the idea here? Can we gender swap for two seconds and talk about how demoralizing that is? Let's imagine that I find an actress that I find more attractive than my wife, then I watch the shows that she is in religiously constantly talking about how good looking she is, and how if she was to walk into my life that I'm really sorry to my wife, but I'd have to do the actress. Let's not forget the constant reminders from me about every scene she's slightly well dressed or groomed that I have to tell my wife how great the actress looks and how that if she ever wanted me to do anything for her, she'd just have to look that good. You know what sweetie? If you want me to fall really in love with you, all you have to do is be a size 3 dress size, have hair that you naturally don't have, have a wardrobe that costs more than what you make in a year, and have the facial structure of someone completely different. If you just do all of those things, THEN I'll fall in love with you and want you as much as I want this random actress who I've never even spoken to in real life.
I know that I haven't always been the best husband, but it always gives me a good swift kick in the nuts whenever she talks about actors that she would have a hard time not instantly sleeping with, or at least making out with, if she had the chance.
The list, or anything along the lines of it, is emasculation 101. You want me to feel like nothing? Tell me just how bad you love someone else who isn't even real. You want to make it so that I don't want to be in the same room as you, point at something that is so Hollywood produced that I couldn't even afford the shoes that the person is wearing and tell me that, to you, that is good looking. You want to have me want to physically hurt you? Say that you love a fictional character with more passion than you say that you love me when you're half asleep right before you go to bed. The worst part about it, is that I can't say much/anything about it. I mention it and the response will be, "You know I'm just joking, right? Stop taking things so serious. I'm just having a good time."
It always makes my day brighter when my person who I love, tells me how much she loves (even if in passing or in joking) someone else.
And finally, a nice solid middle finger to #1 on the list. Screw you. You're most likely a good person, but I hope I never meet you in person because you'll always be the person who my wife compares me to, and I'll never measure up to a fictional character that is constantly under hair and makeup with perfect lighting.
Sep 3, 2014
Merit Badge Hunting - My American Life
In the Boy Scouts, there's a required merit badge called Environmental Science.
As part of the badge, you have to go out into nature and record what you see. The official wording is really sort of crazy - 
- Choose two outdoor study areas that are very different from one another (e.g., hilltop vs. bottom of a hill; field vs. forest; swamp vs. dry land). For BOTH study areas, do ONE of the following:
- Mark off a plot of 4 square yards in each study area, and count the number of species found there. Estimate how much space is occupied by each plant species and the type and number of nonplant species you find. Write a report that adequately discusses the biodiversity and population density of these study areas. Discuss your report with your counselor.
- Make at least three visits to each of the two study areas (for a total of six visits), staying for at least 20 minutes each time, to observe the living and nonliving parts of the ecosystem. Space each visit far enough apart that there are readily apparent differences in the observations. Keep a journal that includes the differences you observe. Then, write a short report that adequately addresses your observations, including how the differences of the study areas might relate to the differences noted, and discuss this with your counselor.
Then came the glorious thing called summer camps. In these camps, you work on merit badges for a week, and much like spring and summer term at college the work is streamlined and the push is to get through the program, and corners are cut. Programs that normally take weeks or even months (yes those badges do exist, and sadly they're the ones that are required) are compressed down to a single week.
While at my first summer camp I was working on this one because there was actually nature around, but there was one, tiny, itsy bitsy problem - it was a summer camp. Nothing living with half a brain was going to come within a mile of the yelling, singing, and excessive use of fire that is a summer camp. The second problem came with me just not caring. I could sit in the forest and stare at a lump of land for a long time, but it wasn't like I was going to go Hawthorne on it and see nature as a great thing and pull out great meaning from the animals (or rather the lack of them) in the area or the plant life, and I was 11 at the time, so there was even less of a chance that I was going to take a scientific approach towards any of it, and thus started one of the first times that I BS dumped with creative writing.
I don't remember much of what I wrote, but I do remember that I did not go out as many times as I should have, and I remembered that I wrote most of it all in the first day so that I didn't have to go out into the middle of a forest and sit around staring at nothing for an hour (or however long it was) for the rest of the week. I had merit badges to earn, and sitting in the forest wasn't going to help me earn them (officially it would have, but I thought that time could be better spent on other badges). The bits and pieces that I do remember about the stuff I wrote was that I anthropomorphized (<--- check out that vocabulary word! I almost spelt it right the first time too!) everything around me.
Had the counselor paid enough attention to read anything that I wrote, I'm just about 99.99% guaranteed that they would have laughed me off of the mountain because I didn't write a scientific analysis of my surroundings, I wrote what I always write, whatever my daydreams lead me to. If I remember right, I'm sure that I had a few paragraphs about the ants (that didn't even exist) and watching them crawl around. Let me make that perfectly clear, in my patch of Earth that I was supposed to be detailing for this merit badge, my 11 year old brain was able to see zero animals, and my 28 year old brain agrees with my 11 year old self in that not a single piece of sentient wildlife would be brave, or dumb, enough to live there.
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